Posted on by Roy

The Friday Fives

1. What was your first job?
Me and a neighbo girl, Judy, had a window washing compny one summer and spent a whole season washing windows. We washed the windows each week at Safeway, an old folks home, a car parts store and various homes around town.

2. How much did you make?
We both made probably about $150.00 the whole summer. Oh, well. So much for the early entry in the entreprenuerial fortune.

3. Describe your least favorite co-worker of all time.
I can’t remember her name, maybe Sage can. She was this fat bastard at this teleconferencing company Sage and I both worked at. The obese gal was on our team and had some sort of super power whereby she could take all of the joy from a room just with her mere presence. You weren’t supposed to ask her any questions and never, ever touch or bother any of her things. Simple enough of a request, however her job was to aid and support us, her team members and she tended to hord all of the office supplies, so she created a bit of storm throughout the day we were kind of obligated to speak to her and ask her for things, like post in notes and a pencil. I am seething in rememberance as I type this.

4. What is your dream job?
Pro golfer. I don’t play golf, but really how cool is their life? A professional athlete lifestyle, played on a beautiful lawn, surrounded by awe inspriring scenary and a bar at the end of the game?

5. What do you currently do and do you like it?
My job in a nutshell: “Hey, you, new guy!. Stop doing that!” I am a call center supervisor and each day, I take part in removing a part of the soul from the staff of 150 formerly fine upstanding citizens. Ever see the movie Office Space? Well, I’m Lundberg.

8 Replies to “The Friday Fives”

  1. 1. I think [one of] my first job[s], and certainly one of the oddest, was a job I had one summer involved data collection. Actually, it consisted of sitting by the side of the road counting motorcyclists and noting whether or not they were wearing helmets. It was funded by some state grant on traffic safety. Talk about mind-numbing boredom.

    2. Gosh—it paid just a tad above minimum wage, so like four bucks an hour.

    3. In my last job, I had some real doozies. There was my boss (lovingly described by Sage as a “giant mouth in a pantsuit”), her mom (the “bangle queen” in reference to her love of awful chunky bracelets), and a host of other freaks. However, my least favorite co-worker was a woman named Pam. She was in her early fifties. A total joyless cunt. She loved to incite fights in the office over people “stealing her ideas” or other such nonsense. She also used to talk ceaselessly about the TWO other jobs she’d had in her life, and how much happier she was then. She was like Sally Forth come to life. I hated her. She only lasted about 8 months, but to this day, I’d love to smash in her head with a shovel, and THEN shove her down a flight of steps.

  2. 4. Business guru. I’d the master of some odd theory, and I’d be hired by large corporations for obscene amounts of money to pontificate about in-actionable abstractions. I’d write books, I’d appear on television, and I’d only work about two days a week. I want to be like Malcolm Gladwell—but WITH a brain, and much better hair.

    5. I pontificate about in-actionable abstractions, but work over four days a week. IÂ’m an online business strategist for a large financial services/data processing company. I conduct research, write long papers, beg for funding, build new online businesses, and then move on to the next project. I used to love it, but increasingly find that IÂ’ve been pushed out on a limb and IÂ’ll either have to jump or fall. ItÂ’s a source of consternation.

  4. !) My first job was working for Busy Bee Office Products & Printing at the age of 12. It was Mum & Dot’s business so, child labor laws did not apply.

    @) I made $2/hour for the first 2 years & then nothing from the ages of 14-16 because they said I needed to earn a car. Alas, when I turned 16 & earned my car, I still had to share it with my father.

    #) My least favorite coworker of all time is Scott the Assistant Manager from the Parker Road Branch of Kinko’s. While on the phone with him discussing a job his branch had botched, he said, “Edward, let me explain this to you in a way you’ll understand.” Nothing gets me riled up more than condescension, especially when the condescending person is in the wrong. That was the first time I found the pulsing vein in my forehead.

    $) My dream job is to be an indie rock star making music in my own studio for my own label.

    %) I am currently a Senior Customer Consultant for FedEx Kinko’s Commercial Production Center. I do like it but, the pay isn’t quite up to par so, I’m off to my second interview with In Touch Today to do the same job for more money & less stress. Additionally, In Touch Today is one gazillionth the size of FedEx Kinko’s.

  5. 1. My first job was working for a total misogynist pig at a Lebanese restaurant near DU (now Pita Jungle). I was 16. He hired only young blonde girls and let his male customers treat them like dirt. I finally had enough and threw most of his dishes against a wall over his head. After that he called ME boss. I quit shortly thereafter anyway.

    2. The pig-men that frequented the aforementioned restaurant felt like they could grab the waitresses behinds and STILL leave no tip. I probably made $4-5/hr?

    3. Most of the run-ins at jobs have been with hated bosses, not co-workers. The worst was Trudi that owned the Newstand Cafe (now Pablo’s on 6th). She was the meanest, most paranoid and truly awful person that I’ve yet had the displeasure to meet. To this day, if I EVER see that woman again, I will bitch-slap her into next week.

    4. My dream job would be food critic extraordinnaire. I’d write colorful and witty articles from home and have a cooking show on Food Network on the side.

    5. I work as an account manager for Wells Fargo. That’s the abbreviated version. I, for the most part, like my job. The hours are good, pay is okay, benefits are great and it’s just two of us in our group, so I don’t have to deal with much political maneuvering. I am hankering for more of a challenge, so I’m currently trying to figure out how to kick it up a notch over here.

  6. 1. Shoving snow in the winter and mowing grass in the summer for the Catholic Church in Steamboat!
    2. $5 An hour, which in 1981 was a lot of money!
    3. Bonnie, my DM from Papyrus. Not only was she a bitch, but she was a stupid bitch.
    4. Eccentric millionaire, or a stunt man!
    5. I’m a Field Training Manager for L’Occitane ( I train other managers to be managers), and I am a dual store manager of Cherry Creek and Bel Mar L’Occitane locations. Ugh.

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