thisiswhatyoushalldo

1. What’s the oldest thing in your house?

Out in the garage there are some boxes of my grandmother’s china and among that is a set of really rare crystal forged with uranium glass. Stunningly beautiful and work a pretty penny.

2. Who was your craziest / most interesting teacher?

My high school biology teacher Mr. Peer. He was just a delightful wacko. With a fully fitted science lab full of chemicals and Bunsen burners – he would light the place up.

3. When was the last time you got to tell someone “I told you so”?

When those wack jobs elected Trump I warned that this wasn’t going to go as well as they might think.

4. What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement?

Whenever I am asked what new technology I want I also default to the demand to bring me my Star Trek teleportation. I thinking fitting that within a sell phone would be a game changer.

5. What was cool when you were young but isn’t cool now?

Atari Pong? a lot of late 1960s and early 1970s tech has certainly gone out of fashion. I mean really, 8-track? C’mon! I’ll go with “Moon Boots” for winter wear. Growing up everybody was wearing them. They were the O.G. “Uggs.”

This or that?

1. Skydiving or SCUBA Diving?

I trained to be a paratrooper in the army, that wa terrifying. I pick Scuba.

2. Football or basketball

Football from this list, but I am starting to get obsessed with soccer. Less CTE and more finesse.

3. Horseback Riding or Cycling?

Cycling is my thing, especially since buying my e-bike about 2 and 1/2 years ago.

4. Fiction or Nonfiction?

I am kinda OCD on this. I primarily read eBooks, and on the Kindle, it is fiction, and on my tablet with the Kindle app, it is nonfiction.

5. Coffee Cup or Thermos?

I put the French press coffee in a carafe. I don’t like the taste of hot liquids from a metal Thermos, so I pour from the insulated beverage mug thingy into a proper ceramic mug. I know, that’s weird, but I am who I am.

1. What weird food combinations do you really enjoy?

I may have written about this before, but I like to wrap a Pringles potato chip in a leaf of iceberg lettuce and make a crispy “unwich”; the salt, the sweet, and the crunch are satisfying. I also like uncooked egg noodles “raw,” But that is just weird.

2. What would a world populated by clones of you be like?

That is a lot of people making a lot of out loud, inane observations and bad attempts at jokes all the time. As well as a world of pretty clumsy people.

3. What inanimate object would be the most annoying if it played loud upbeat music while being used?

The dishwasher. We have a nice, quiet dishwasher, but it seems to run for a long time. If it played loud, annoying, perhaps inappropriate music that can’t be muted, well, then I guess hand-washing everything would be the course of the day.

4. What food is delicious but a pain to eat?

Pomegranate.

5. What obstacles would be included in the World’s most amazing obstacle course?

I have seen a number of obstacle course competition shows and have run through a few myself in my army days, so I speak with some knowledge. Remember that board game with a table board game-sized obstacles that had to be negotiated with a ping pong ball blown to float in the air by a hand-held blower to negotiate the course? That is, instead of a ping pong, it is a human, and air flow is provided by a drone.

1. Those who were in a gang, what’s the most f-ed up thing you’ve seen?

While a member of the “He-Man Woman Hater Gang, Buckwheat showed up at the clubhouse wearing full drag. None of us were ready for that.

2. What was it that put you in solitary while in lock up?

I started saying a lot of really mean things about Stephen Miller.

3. Why did you deserve that beat down?

I kept insisting on removing the canned green peas from my bowl of Grandma’s beef stew.

4. What happened that forced you to flee the country?

I was caught cheating while playing the all-in game of Risk.

5. You can tell me, I won’t share – how did you embezzle that vast fortune, and where is the money now?

I amassed my vast fortune by taking out tiny ads in the back of newspapers and magazines and flipping all that dough in a collection of rare coffee mugs.