The Friday Fives

List those five things we assume Donald Trump can do in his retirement?

  1. Golf, sure but I see this as kind of a Bluth family affair on Arrested Development – the Trumps find themselves broke so they are forced to open a nationwide miniature golf franchise to try and stay afloat.
  2. Perhaps he can become an angler – going off each morning to soak his bare feet in the pier at Mar – A – Lago , wearing overalls and straw hat – casting a reel.
  3. He will spend most of his time in courtrooms answering bankruptcy judges questions on where all the money went – sweating and yelling and getting fined over and over again for his courtroom behavior.
  4. Back to gold – make it more Bluth-like – may Frisbee gold courses or Ultimate – something that his fat ass would never be able to attempt without breaking a hip or knee.
  5. And of course, his fat ass can just go off to jail.

The Friday Fives

1. What are you missing?
Brunch and hanging out with my peeps. Virtual life is no bueno

2. How do you feel?
Peppy. It is Friday; I slept like an angel.

3. What have you let go?
Losing my temper. There is no real place in my life for anger towards others or circumstances.

4. Who have you hurt?
I am unsure. I tend to be obtuse about these things but I don’t think I left a lot of destruction in my path -if I have hurt you, let me know.

5. What do you deserve?
A whole helluva lot more money.

The Friday Fives

1. What won’t you miss of 2020?
The safer at home – shelting in place. i get it. This virus is ugly and mean and deadly but I am so bored – the fun of zoom calls is over. The joy of binging on the latest is now ho hum. I have read more in these last nine months than I did as a lit. major in college. Let’s get back to weekend brunches and find that elusive second place.

2. What will you be eagerly anticipating
The eviction of Trump and eradication of this virus.

3. Are you gonna get vaccinated?
Absolutely. Right now if I could. In Summit County they are doing drive through vaccinations – that is what I’m talking about!

4. Anyone you know really affected by this Damn virus!
Yes, a dear friend, a couple of coworkers, a former college professor have all had it – on f my direct reportss at work had it twice and another took his own life as a result of lonliness during the quarantine. Let’s end this thin.

5. Worst thing of 2020? Best thing of 2021 so far.
2020: The Trump Virus and his ugly Q-anon supporters. 2020: This yummy breakfas danish some one brought in.

Friday Fives

Merry Christmas May the End of 2020 come soon!

No questions this week.

  1. Sit back – try to enjoy the holiday.
  2. Do something nice for someone else.
  3. Sing a song while in the shower.
  4. Take a walk – especially if it is snowing.
  5. Call your people – family, friends (no texts, a hello phone call. )

The Friday Fives

1. To the people who don’t slap the big sacks of rice at the grocery store – why don’t you slap the big sacks of rice at the grocery store?

The rice bags are there for the taking. Don’t believe me? Go to a big Asian grocery store and find the rice section. There you will find a big sack of rice. Take a few seconds to get your breath after your amazement at what you have beheld, then, just smack away. No need to look around to see if anyone is watching – they are either waiting to smack or are in a state of post slap bliss.

2. To the people that don’t give the tongs a couple of test claps before using them – why don’t you give the tongs a couple of test claps before using them?

This is the lobster game. You pull the tongs out of the utensil bin/canister/crock and snap away. It is best done while making sounds as if you are a lobster.

3. To the people that don’t give the gas nozzle an extra one or two pumps on the handle – why don’t you give the gas nozzle an extra one or two pumps on the handle?

To paraphrase Sting – every drop you pump, every fume you make . . .

4. To the people who carefully unwrap all of their presents on Christmas morning to preserve the wrapping paper – Why do you carefully unwrap all of their presents on Christmas morning to preserve the wrapping paper?

It’s all going into the bin by noon – no, you are not going to reuse it next year. Sure you tell yourself you are going to reuse it next year but let’s face facts. You have never reused it next year. That is something your grandmother did and she is dead and the tradition is over.

5. To the people who put used tea bags and coffee stirring sticks down the garbage disposal at work- why do you put used tea bags and coffee stirring sticks down the garbage disposal at work?

You have no clue how plumping works. Please, stay home and wreck havoc on your own plumbing – you are the reason we cannot have nice things.