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1. When someone tells you a ‘man walks into a bar’ joke, you picture the same bar each time- what does your bar look like?
The Popular Bar on Victory Way and Barclay in Craig. One of the great dive bars in America.
2. You walk to your street and see FBI, CDC, ARNG, CIA, APHIS, DEA, USFWS, NTSB, EPA, PETA, NOAA, FAA, ATF, FDA, MORS and NSA raiding your house. What do you do and what are your thoughts?
I do what one always does and I call Julie. Then I call up Fidelity and quickly liquidate a whole lot of funds. You will then recognize me as an ExPat. [I can’t fathom anything I have done that would escalate to this point but I am never in the mood to go through with any of this.]
3. You’re given $1500, but it must be used toward your hobby. What do you buy, and how does it help you progress?
Wow, that’s a lot of porn. But seriously – I think it would go to the purchase of a very nice top o’ the line Nikon Digital SLR.
4. What’s your “once a year” thing that you can’t miss?
Watching “Die Hard” on Christmas eve. (Or going to the Brewery Bar II for some green chili smothered relenos on MLK day. )
5. You are given unlimited money to produce a TV series adaptation of any movie/movie saga/video game/book. Which one would you choose and what would be your production decisions?
John Scalzi’s “Old Man’s War.”
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Go ahead and head to your junk drawer. Don’t clean… just observe. Now its time to answer some tough questions… so get your affairs in order.
<strong>1. Is it in the kitchen? If not, where? If so, anywhere you would move it if strarting over?</strong>
No. There is no room in the kitchen for a junk drawer. I have junk drawer in my bedroom and I think Julie has one too. Really, the whole junk drawer concept falls apart at The Farm due an incredible lack of cohesive organization. The kitchen and living areas generally has it’s shit together but my bedroom is about as neat and tiddy as a 16 year-old boys without the trash and leftover pizza boxes and fast food wrappers.
<strong>2. Do you have any CR2032’s in there? Before you google it, just know you need some, stat. Everything small runs on them. Including your sister.</strong>
Yep. And a few other sizes to fit in various remotes and other devices like my glucometer and self-stick remote control and the car stereo’s remote. I put one in something in the kitchen the other day.
<strong>3. What’s your favorite thing in there?</strong>
Probably my “iFixIT” tool kit built to fix techy kind of things.<strong>4. What’s the dumbest thing?</strong>Way too much old used tech things like cords that go to nothing and old, old Nextel phones. Useless.
<strong>5. Let’s say I were breaking in, what would I they steal?</strong>
Steal out of the junk drawer? Well the whole thing is basically a craft storage unit with plastic drawers on wheels. The robber can just wheel that thing right out the door.
1. Go to your playlist and hit shuffle, the first song that plays will describe the rest of the year 2020. What will your year be like?
“I’m Waiting For The Man” – Velvet Underground. This was a cover of a David Bowie song that is about waiting for your dealer to show up with the drugs. That being said when I process the term “waiting for the man” I equate that to waiting for the bus – so for the next year at least, I’ll be trucking to the light rail station on the good ol’ #21.
2. What is the LEAST annoying song to get stuck in your head?
The theme song to the old-school television show “Bonanza.” Really, tell me that is not a bad ear worm to get stuck in your head.
3. What song would you choose to play during the end of the world?
Well, the REM song of the same name seems a bit too obvious and perhaps too upbeat. I think I’ll go with “Vader March” from “A New Hope. (Speaking of “A New Hope” can we talk about the new Star Wars movie? I fell asleep in the theater watching it yesterday. Was it good? An afternoon nap mid film is not a good sign but then again I was kind of hungover.
4. If each brand had an honest slogan, what would some be?
JIF peanut butter: “It’s peanut butter with lot’s of sugar – that’s why you like it. (Mom’s buy it because their kids like it. Kid’s like it because it is sandwich crack.)
5. You’re allowed to choose one movie and keep just one actor, the rest are replaced by muppets… what movie do you choose?
William Holden stays – “Sunset Blvd.”
Hey folks, the year is quickly coming to a close and it is time to get those dead pool candidate lists together.
The 19th year of this fine event is just around the corner. Start making your list of names now and take part in this wholesome past-time that lasts the whole year.
Submit 11 names of folks that will die in 2020.
What is it we are talking about?
A celebrity dead pool for the year 2020.
(Please feel free to forward to whomever you think might also want to play.)
The first ten count, the 11th is an alternate.
Submit directly to [ firstname.lastname@example.org and/or email@example.com]
On Jan 1, 2021 the winner is announced.
Any deaths must be recorded by an Associated Press biography or an announcement from CelebrityDeathBeeper.com
All entries must be received by 12/31/19 at midnight. In the event
that a name on your list dies between 12/31/19 midnight and 1/01/20
12:01 the alternate name on your list moves on to the list. (Late submissions through January will be accepted, however only 8 names and no alternative will count.)
Points are awarded for the following:
Age of the dead (oldest- least points * youngest -most points.):
Oldest 4 points
Youngest 6 points
First corpse – 4 points
Last corpse – 5 points
Most names on the list – 18 points per list.
Suicide – 10 points
Under 65 – 4 points
Under 55 – 4 points (in addition to the under 65 points awarded.)
(The MJ clause)
If you personally kill a celebrity to increase your point-scoring,
you are disqualified.
(The Schiavo Clause.)
No points for any deaths whose only act of dying made them famous. This means the oldest man or woman alive won’t get points. It also means that a famous illness to an otherwise stranger, resulting in death wouldn’t count as a celebrity dead pool death.
(Can’t Get Crap Together Rule)
Late submissions through January will be accepted, however only 8 names count.
Where to find names:
http://stiffs.com/ (click on the standings link and get some ideas for those who didn’t pass this year )
http://www.dpsinfo.com/dps/ The dead people server – look up to see if someone is still alive.
http://www.celebritydeathbeeper.com/ Celebrity Death Beeper – sign up for an email alert when a celebrity passes.
1. You run an inconvenience store, what do you sell?
Raw unprocessed petrol that you have to refine yourself to run your cars.
2. What is the “gas station sushi” of other food?
It’s no longer there, but down in Centennial or maybe Parker on Lincoln in the back of a gas station was this most amazing Philly Cheese Steak joint run by a guy we called Crazy Jerry, and he was a savant of the sandwich world.
3. What screams, “I’m a bad parent”?
Planning, plotting, and scheduling every aching minute of their day. No wonder they are all becoming addicted to video games – it may be the only creativity in their lives. Let them play – naturally with no rules, no refs, and no ribbons.
4. What product immediately becomes scarier when you put “military-grade” in front of it?
Military Grade Starbucks Salted Caramel Macchiato – that screams – “Turn off the pancreas boys.
5. Who is the most attractive pre-1900 person, in your opinion?
I was going to go with Alexander Hamilton, that bi-racial beauty, but then I stumbled on Andrew Jackson. Yes, he was a bit of dick and in many ways the opposite of Hamilton and racist to boot- but look at that hair!
1. What’s the most bizarre/awkward gift you’ve received in your life?
When my Grandma gave all the guys in the family underwear and couldn’t stop talking about them.
2. What is the best NSFW Christmas joke you know?
Why does Mrs. Claus always pray for a white Christmas?
Cause she married to a guy who comes once a year.
3. If Bob Ross was secretly a hitman, what “happy little accidents” would happen to his targets?
It always comes back to those stupid electric scooters downtown.
4. You are a bartender, a guy walks into a bar and asks you for a “Donald Trump”. What do you give him?
A Soy Nog with Sambucco.
5. What’s a store that you and your parents shopped at that doesn’t exist anymore?
LaBelles down in Lakewood. Remember LaBelles?