1. What would you do with a cardboard box? True story As children, probably up until I was ten years old, we used to use cardboard as a primary toy. My mother used to babysit a whole herd of kids – cousins, neighbors, friends kids. To keep us occupied she would supply boxes and steak knives and we would saw through the cardboard and create cars and trucks and buses and castles and prisons and all sorts of crafts and buildings. Mom used to get bulk groceries delivered in the pre- Sam’s Club and Costco days and she would keep those boxes. Also, we would have her groceries boxed and keep those as well. My dad, a mail carrier with the beloved USPS would work with some of the furniture and appliance stores in town and those big old cardboard monstrosities would end up as great cardboard sculptures. Did I mention steak knives? Yes, my mother supplied serrated edged steak knives to children as toys. the late 60s and early 70s were very different times.
2. What are some polite ways to say “fuck off”? My sainted grandmother Lois had a knack of doing this by strategically changing the subject in such a way that you didn’t know you were just insulted until you left the room. I try to use words the way she did – it was an art.
3. Which celebrity’s death hit you the hardest and why? 2016 – the year when everyone and everything died. I think it was Robin Williams. So sad. What a talent. What a waste.
4. Did your parents tell you their alternate name choices for you? A different grandmother and a different story. My mother was intent on naming me Ian, with a middle name of Allen and thusly my initials would have been I A N – Ian. Well, I was a C-section baby, so while the mother was under anesthesia and the baby was born and time to fill out the birth certificate, grandma Violet took charge and named me Roy Wayne. Goy for my great grandfather and Wayne, my grandfather’s middle name = not bad at all but I sometimes wonder if things would have been different if I had gone through life as an Ian.
5. What were some weird rules your parents had for you as a child? Maybe not weird, but rare. If you wanted to leave the table at mealtime and your plate wasn’t clean, you had to at least take three no thank you bites of everything on your plate. It was actually a pretty clever psychological trick. Often I ended up eating a lot more of something I didn’t think I would like as a consequence.
Maybe a little creepy but it is not my fault. For nearly a decade now, Google has been making street-level maps. You may have seen their little cars poking around. They have nine cameras and are called “Nine Eyes.” This Tumblr feed collects some of the odd sites the nine eyes have stumbled upon. While board in the new lockdown, take a gander. The trip will take hours. Oh, the humanity – this is like some sort of meta-participatory photojournalism created by an algorithm and its unintended consequences.
1. Imagine having a reverse Yelp where we rate customers on their attitudes, manners, and how well they tip. What review would you leave?
I am not sure I am on the correct path with this one, however, if I were to receive ratings on a reverse Yelp from service industry folks, I would get high marks – I am generous tipper, almost never complain about service and am not loud and unruly.
2. A galactic genie suddenly granted 1 wish to the people of Earth. No one knew a wish was going to be granted, the wish was selected by everyone’s inner desire, and majority wins. What wish ends up getting granted?
A gigantic rollback of nature before the time fo global warming.
3. What fact is ignored generously?
See above – global warming.
4. If you had a Teleportation power, what one place in the world would you immediately go?
In the COVID -19 era, it would be Greenland. Look at that map. Virtually no viral spread. Granted nearly no one lives there but still.
5. Which books should everyone read once in their life?
I am a broken record about this but I will continue to shout it at the tops of the trees:
READ MOBY DICK.
It deserves its reputation as the Great American Novel.