Friday Fives

1. You are on your way to work, when suddenly a wormhole to the far side of the galaxy opens in the middle of the road. You are thus the first to meet the alien being that emerges. Despite your protestations, you are now Earth’s unofficial First Contact ambassador. What will you say to the visitor?
I am of the Stephen Hawking and Iscac Asimov school of inter terrestrial contact school. That meaning that if there is any contact, which if highly doubtful and probably physically unlikely. That being said, if the aliens come, my fist act would be to kill them, as they came here to do us harm. Didn’t any of you see Independence Day>

2. A wandering trading caravan emerges from the wormhole. They plan to stay on Earth for a few weeks, and then will move on to the next planet and the next. Whatever you said must have really impressed them, because they offer to let you and a few other humans come along with them. The only catch is that the caravan probably won’t be back to Earth. Would you go? Why or why not?
No, I wouldn’t. I haven’t seen all of Earth yet and have no real need, desire to go another planet to live. I kind of want to see space, but I also want the chance to come back home. I enjoy reading some science fiction but I don’t want to live in space.

3. Suppose you decided to go. The master of the caravan will allow you to bring along whatever trinkets and baubles you think will sell on alien worlds, and will also allow you to bring exactly five other items that you may always keep. Clearly, he does not mean practical items like shoes or a toothbrush. What would you bring?
Ok, if I did go, what would I take? Gin, Tonic, Limes and some Lounge music and a Mark Twain anthology. We need to bring the party to the space people!

4. Suppose you decided to stay home after all. The caravan master offers you a parting gift. You may choose among super-brain pills, a flying car, a robot butler, or an invisibility belt. Which would you choose and why?
I am already a mad super geius, so I don’t need the pills. Our society isn’t ready for flying cars yet and and invisibility belt would get tedious after a spell. I so need a robot butler. My life would be so simple if there were someone for the chores. and able to handle my beck and call.

5. Suppose you ended up taking the super-brain pills. You now have a head the size, shape, and color of a watermelon. But you also now have the most fantastic mind the world has ever seen. What would be the first task you set it to?
Wolrd hung. I know, it sounds so boring, but that is a real issue in the world and might as well tackle that. I already have the butler so my needs are met.

6 Replies to “Friday Fives”

  1. 1.) “Yes, this is my penis and, yes, it is the creator of worlds.”

    2.) It wasn’t what I said that impressed them so much. It was the size of my penis. I’d go if I could use my penis wherever it was we were going. If I couldn’t, forget it.

    3.) Four large boxes of condoms. And Guiness.

    4.) I don’t need the super-brain pills because, of course, I’ve already got a super-brain. I can always pay a stupid human to be my butler. Flying cars are coming, so nope. That leaves the invisibility belt, a total keeper. It could make my super-large penis very happy.

    5.) Find the super-sized vagina that could handle my super-head!

  2. 1. Although you’d never know it, I’m an optimist, closeted variety. Besides the obvious, “Dude, do you guys, like, party?” or “Dude, where’s my car?” I’d first ascertain whether they speak English (habla ingles? you can tell I don’t speak spanish), then I’d ask them everything I’ve ever wanted to know about cosmology/physics, interstellar travel, etc. This all depends, of course, on whether or not they’re humanoid, gendered, attractive, etc. First question might very well be, “So, you ever get jiggy with an earthman you super-hot spacebabe you?”

    2. I would absolutely go in a heartbeat if it weren’t for my kids, and assuming Jenny could and would want to go along, too. Although I’ve not seen all of my own planet, I’d love to travel the stars and boldly go where no “man” has gone before. I would want to drive occasionally. (Following responses assume I’m just single and childless.)

    3. Caipirinhas, pot, acid (a lotta of these…c’mon, you’re on a starship: no bills, taxes, deadlines, retirement or any of that crap to worry about and lots of cool nebulae and gas giants and freaky aliens to groove on!), really big iPod, art/writing supplies. If the aliens weren’t hot, then probably some porn instead of booze, and I’d hope to hell they have some kind of liquor. (Note to self, ask about booze.)

    4. God knows I could use a robot butler. But I’d go with the Brain Pills. I already suffer the delusion of being smarter than I am. Be fun to actually be as smart as i would like to think I am.

    5. Developing an inexhaustible source of energy…Or a Star Trek matter converter so no one would want for anything. Then I’d cure all diseases, develop an invulnerable super weapon I control so as to keep the peace when everyone’s bored because they’re not struggling to survive or outdo their neighbors. Clearly, me and my big brain will be busy. Then I’ll probably have to figure out interstellar travel and build a spaceship for colonization because no one will be dying and things will get very crowded. Or, maybe I’d just make cigarettes harmless, pot with no paranoia, and sweets that were full of protein and vitamins and non-caloric. Rambling now, but I’d probably also have to figure out a way to get laid despite my giant watermelon head. Maybe that’s first.

  3. 1. take me with you

    2. see #1

    3. fun pharmaceuticals & beads to sell/trade. wine, chocolate, my cat, books and music to keep.

    4. well, if i’m feeling altruistic, brain pills so i can cure cancer, etc. if i’m not feeling particularly magnamimous, then an invisibility belt so that i can help myself. to a lot of things.

    5. teleportation !

  4. 1)What’s happenin? You guys have any snaxks?
    3)Camera, Nachos, Ice cream, sunglasses and Jessica Biel
    4)I would do some serious damage with an invisibility belt.
    5)mind control of others.

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