Category: Friday Fives

1. Would you give up half of what you now own for a piill that would permanently change you so that one hour of sleep each day would fully refresh you?
Nah, I don’t think so. I am not that driven that I have to have extra hours each day. I like sleeping, I love my bed.

2. What is your preferred method of getting the news?
Web sites and the radio. And Channel 2 Morning news, because Tom Green is the most entertaining anchorman in Denver.

3. Would you rather . . . utter all exclamations during sex in sign language or in the form of a question as if on Jeopardy?
Well, you know my love of a good punch line – so Jeopardy it is.

4. After winning it big in Las Vegas, what do you do first?
An ultra expensive meal and the proverbial hookers and blow. I think for a weekend at least, I would live life like a rap video.

5. In case of a sudden emergency in the middle of the night – who do you call.
This is advice we all can use. In case of emergency, always call Julie. She automatically reverts to a triage mode and it is reassuring someone can keep their head about them.

1. If you could, would you be a movie star or a rock star? Which one, and why?
Rock Stars get more nookie, but in the end I am lazy and Movie Stars don’t have to work very hard. A few lines in a movie then spend the rest of the time just looking pretty. Not a bad life.
2. Do you know anyone who’s been on a reality TV show?
No, I can’t say I have. That is a lame answer to a lame question. Let’s imagine a new reality TV show based on me. Would viewers tune in to watch me watch porn and pick my nose?
3.Would You Rather…be trapped in a cage with a lion? -or- eat peanut butter off a hobo’s foot?
I am reading John Hodgeman’s book and he is obsessed with hobos. With that in mind, I go with hobo.
4. Have you ever met anyone famous?
I have met several. I guess the most famous would either be Bob Dole or Colin Powell. Oh, wait, I met Al Franken once too. He was real grouchy. James MacArthur (Book’em, Dano) came through my check out line at Safeway in Gunnison. He lives in Crested Butte. Hunter Thompson was in the Wooden Nickel in Crested Butte once when I was there but there is an unwritten rule in remote moountain ski towns not to bother the celebs who are there.
5. Who would play you in a movie?
Well, I would first go with a younger Bill Murray, but now, in my ealy 40s, I need someone else . . . Darrel Hammond, maybe?

1.What was your latest complaint?
Bad drivers in a snow storm who can’t control their cars. Grrrrrrrr. It is snow. It is ice. The conditions change. Don’t drive like it is a sunny July afternoon!!

2. What was your latest compliment?
My boss told some peers that I was very, very good at giving effective performance feedback to challenged employees.

3. Would you rather . . . have skin that starts to melt when exposed to temperatures above 45 degrees – or – have your hands contantly moving as if playing speed chess?
I go with happy, fast hands. Imagine the ability to get the stuff done super quickly. I could knock out a major salad in minutes.

4. Who was the bully on your playground?
I don’t recall in elementary days, but in middle school, our town was going through a major construction boom at the mine and the steam plant. As a result there were lots of new kids, it seemed like every week. And invariably one of those new kids was always trying to be the school yard bully and challenging kids to fights after school. As I recall, the cowboy types always seemed to win in the end.

5. Is the job you have now anything like what you imagined as a kid?
Not at all. I manage an inbound call center As a child I was going to be Rob Petri, from the Dick Van Dyke Show, and become a professional television comedy writer. Oh how I have disappointed.

1. If you had to move 100 miles or more to the north, east, west, or south, which would you choose, where would you end up, and what’s so great about there?
Just one hundred miles? That is a tough one. Maybe Leadville? 2. Do you have a favorite stretch of highway or byway for driving, touring, or wandering?
The back road into Crested Butte, through Carbondale. It is movie set beautiful.

3. How do you feel about birthdays and birthday celebrations?
I loves me a birthday-palooza. Mine fallls on a holiday weekend and i have been known to make the affair last days and days.

4. Would You Rather…only be able to take pictures of your babies by scanning them in a computer – or – have to imbibe all liquids using a thimble?
I have no kids to blind, so I guess it is bring on the thimble.

5. What kind of card puts you in the holiday spirit when you receive it? Is there any kind that can make that spirit fizzle?
I am not a fan of the family photo as card – and I don’t know why. More work goes into that than a standard printed card – but whenever I get one, I just tend to sigh and move on and not give it much though. I am a dick.

1. What is your nearest lake or river?
The roaring Cherry Creek, basically right out side my door.

2. What’s your lucky number?
Twelve. As in a dozen. As in a dozen donuts. Mmm. Donuts.

3. Would you rather . . .be forced to preface everything you say with the phrase “Tuck it in” under threat of being slapped, or have a magnetic head?
I like the idea of prefacing my every statement. That is a fun lark. Although a magnetic head would be kind of handy. I would never lose keys. Let’s go with the head.

4. Ever know anyone who appeared on a game show?
I don’t think I have. I love game shows however and would have loved to have been on one in the golden days of the 1960s or 1970s.

5. This morning: was it easy or difficult to start the day?
Over time, the events of last night will come forward. Suffice it to say, this morning was a very difficult beginning of the day.

1. What was the first CD/Record/Album/Artist you ever bought and what format was it in?
I bought a record, an album of Perry Como’s sublime “And I Love You So.” An odd choice for a 10 or 11 year old, however it had the song “Tie A Yellow Ribbon” on it. That song, by Captain and Tenille, was a big hit and apparently this was the only album that had it. But the album is quite good – despite its “Como-ness.” (I think we have covered this ground on the Friday Fives before. Let me know, I can’t remember.)

2. How do you usually listen to music? (iPod/Walkman/Stereo/Radio)
(Morning, Evening, Mid Day?)
Since February, I have been married to my Creative Zen Vision player, with 30 gigs of music and accessories galore. It runs through my car stereo, has a place of honor at my desk at work and docking station for the home stereo. It is the new hotness in my house. I listen beginning with the commute, throughout the day and on the way home. And often on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon at home.

3. What is your favorite genre of music and why?
I really dig live acoustic covers of traditional pop music. I am quite famous amongst my friends for my Springsteen devotion and lately have been keen on acoustic bluegrass and folk, such as Yorma Kaukonen, Jerry Garcia and The Little Willies as examples of the genre. Toss in a little alternative country and you have my milieu

4.Would you rather . . . have Spanish subtitles appear as you speak –
or – have a phtographic memory where all the people involved are
replaced with the cast of Night Court.?
Hmmm. Subtitles are a great feature. But there is a nice odd Dada-esque quality of replacing life with Night Court.
I think I will go with the subtitles.

5. Would you like to know the precise date of your death?
Nope. I think that is part of the great mystery of life, in the not knowing what is around the corner.

1. Do you have problems sleeping?
Lately, I have risen promptly at 3:30, after just a few hours sleep, completely rested and ready. However that is far too early for anyone and so the rest of the evening is me, tossing and turning trying to get back to sleep.

2. What was the last dare you accepted?
Once, on a cold November evening, as a boy, I was dared to be different. I am still living that dare.

3. Would you rather . . . Smoke 100 cigarettes nasally – or – tongue clean 10 blocks worth of New York City public phone mouth pieces? (via “Would You Rather . . . ?” by Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg. )
I guess I would go with the Cigarettes as the other choice is repulsive. However either one would get me sick and be bad, very, very bad.

4. Are you free with your feelings?
Yes, I suppose I am. I cry when doves cry. I shout, I through tantrums. And then I nap. I am a child.

5. Tell us a lie:
The stock market crashed today, leaving few alive and only the barest evidence of a once great nation.

1. What was the last thing that you ate?
A bowl of cereal with skim milk and some oatnut toast with margerine. mmm, breakfast.
2. Who was the last person you shared a meal with?
Kevin and Beau and I went to lunch on Tuesday. We had Pho and it was a delightful on a chilly autumn day.
3. What is your favorite all time dish (recipes welcome)?
Probably my mother’s lasagne. I don’t have the full recipe. I made something for a potluck at work today. Here is that recipe:
6 or 7 pounds beef chuck roast.
1 – 2 large jars of pepperoncini peppers, vinegar pickle juice and all. (I use 32 oz jars of Mezzetta brand peppers)
A few drops of kitchen bouquet.
A couple of dozen of hard rolls (whick)
dump peppers, kitchen bouquet and roast in a crock pot and let it cook on low for 8 – 10 hours (overnight is great because you can smell it all night.)
In the morning, remove beef and let it cool a bit and then using a couple of forks, shred it. Remove any fat and set that aside. Place shredded beef back in pot with the peppers and vinegar broth. Let the stew warm back up for a few hours.
Serve on a hard roll with beef and a pepper or two as a spicy beefy sammich.
mmmmmmm.

4. If you could eat one thing for an entire year, what would it be?

Raspberry jam on toasted English Muffins. (Sure, there is no nutrition in the meal, but the whole premise is fantasy, so why not take it all the way.)

5. Would you rather have Boba Fett-like thrusters in your nostrils or retractable roller blades on the bottom of your feet?
I have had pesky nasal problems for years and a tendancy to pick my nose. Bobba Fett might just solve all of that . . . and ease my commute.

1. What is your favorite local website? What makes it so good?
Westword.com and SquareState.net. Local culture and local politics in two quick clicks.

2. What do you remember about your childhood before you began school.
Long summers, train rides to Hayden, hanging out in Grandpa’s garden, long walks to the library with Mom and Julie.

3. List the order in which you would rather: Date, Marry, Screw, Play Ping Pong Against, or Create a Revolutionary Movement with?

Jerome Bettis: Ping Pong – solid competitor.
Molly Ringwald: Date – America’s sweetheart.
George Stephanopoulos: Revolution – obvious.
Menudo: Screw – a hearty Latin stew
Tiger Woods: Marry – he seems stable.

4. What are the first five songs that come up on your mp3 player when you hit random shuffle. (If you have no portable mp3
player, what happens when you shuffle your tunes from your desktop player. If you don’t have that, how sad, you have no music in your life.)
Haunted House, Leon Redbone; Yes I Guess They Oughta Name a Drink After Me, John Prine; Dancin’ In The Streets, The Grateful Dead; Portland Oregon, Loretta Lynn; At Least That’s What You Said, Wilco.

5. If you could hang a motto in every home, what would that motto be?

“Jesus is my cleaning lady.” – Roy

-or-

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Oscar Wilde

1. Do you consider yourself clumsy or graceful?
I am one clumsy mofo. There are a myriad of stories I could tell to demonstrate this, but in the interest of space – just know that at any given moment, I can be holding a coffee cup and then suddenly, for no reason, drop it.

2. Someone asks for change while you’re walking down the street — what do you do?
Years ago, when I a fresh younger man in the city, I may have actually talked to the person. I remember when I worked downtown, just off Colfax and Broadway and when going to lunch I would often be asked by pan handlers for change. I got into the habit of given them aspirin packets that I had swiped from the company first aid box. Nowadays, tucked away in suburbia, I tend to avoid strangers walking down the street and I work very hard to ignore the corner beggers perched at various intersections.

3. Would you rather: Eat sushi in Camroon with Ethel Merman or storm the Bastille with Mick Jagger?
Ethel and Sush win out on this front. I think just watching the big ol’ starlet scarfdown some unagi would be just awesome.

4. What is the last favor you did for someone else?
I am a pretty helpful guy. I think it was cleaning out the coffee maker so it was ready to go for my sister in the morning.

5. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve broken?
Remembering the basic premise of question #1, I recall several things as a child. I through a football through the glass part of my mother’s antique clock. I also broke the glass bubble on my grandmother’s antique anniversary clock.