The Friday Fives

1. What’s your favorite “go-to” comfort food?
Macaroni and cheese. Steaming hot plate of cheesy chewy goo. My sister makes with Rotel tomatoes with habanero peppers and adds cream cheese along with cheddar and Velvetta. It rocks.

2. What is your favorite “go-to” comfort cocktail?
The gin and tonic has been my go-to drink for years. Easy and peasy.

3. Is there a cocktail that in no way will every be crafted/consumed?
From my bartender’s cocktail recipe cookbook with no cover or copyright page, I support the following:
The Frostbite
1 1/4 ounce White Tequila
1/2 oz white creme de cocoa
1 tsp. honey
1 -2 dash bitters
mix in a blender with ice and serve in a cocktail glass.

4. What would be the worst name for a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor?
“Toilet Funk and Nutz”

5. Earth is visited by curious aliens. What is the first food that should be introduced to and would represent the Earth?
Single slice cheese pizza.

4 Replies to “The Friday Fives”

  1. What’s your favorite “go-to” comfort food?

    Pizza and mint chocolate chip ice cream

    *** ed note: He didn’t say ‘your mother’ or ‘your sister’… so this is sensitivity progress, fatties.

    What is your favorite “go-to” comfort cocktail?

    Bourbon and Coke. Especially prefer that when traveling and only drink that when flying. Isn’t that odd? I don’t much drink that at home. Home? Mostly beer. Plus, I can’t keep coke around the house. Wifey drinks it all, straight. Isn’t that gross? Seriously, I don’t drink Coke straight, to sugary. If there were no whiskey, and no wifey, a 6 pack of Coke could sit in my fridge for weeks years.

    Wanna know a small and uninteresting story about a whiskey coke? I was traveling in Utah long ago, about 20 years. Went to a wedding in Provo. Holy shit that is a beautiful city. I have written about my secret love for the natural beauty of Utah. Anyhow, I had heard urban legends of Utah and their drinking rules. It’s all true. And weirder. I was at a restaurant and asked for a whiskey Coke. The nice waitress, clearly Mormon by the dress, didn’t know what that was. Not that they didn’t have it (they didn’t)… but she didn’t know what that was. I described it and she was both puzzled and disgusted.

    Back then, and maybe today, you couldn’t even just go into a bar. You went to a bar, and the bouncer explained you could only come in if you were a 1) member, and 2) had a sponsor. Being a ‘member’ seemed mostly to be what they called a cover charge. Maybe it was $2. But a sponsor? I had to have a current ‘member’ ‘sponsor’ us (the wife and I). So, he yells back into the bar, “do we have a sponsor?” and some guy yells ‘I got it’. Then we were let in. Maybe we looked like narcs? Then… their beer is only 3.2%, I think it still is. And they had hard liquor, but with a caveat. To deal with this much cultiness, I ordered a double (whiskey coke). They could not make it. They could make a single, and sell me a separate shot. I had to be the one who added the second shot.

    In order to get the Olympics, though, they had to loosen most of their laws. Not sure if that stuck. Ok… what were we talking about again?

    Is there a cocktail that in no way will every be crafted/consumed?

    Weird question. I have no answer. Wait… how about a cement mixer? That is a shot that is meant to be disgusting. It’s a prank you pull on friends… if you are an asshole. I don’t remember the details, but something like it is poured carefully in the shot glass. It then only gets mixed in your mouth… and then it goes terribly wrong. Here, let them explain –cement-mixer

    You drink the Bailey’s and hold the shot in your mouth, then take the shot of lime juice and swirl the mixture around. The lime’s acidity causes the Bailey’s to rapidly curdle, so much so that you have to chew down the congealed mass

    What would be the worst name for Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor?

    Hairy Garcia®

    Earth is visited by curious aliens. What is the first food that should be introduced to and would represent the Earth?

    It would be a sammich. There is a single sammich that embodies everything good. Ingredients, love, portability… the gryo sandwich. It has to be done perfect, and it never is. So much so I often don’t even order one if I see it. Mostly, they have WAY too much bread. Ok, before we look at sammich porn… and we will… know how to say it. yee-row.

    This one down there? Look good? Too much bread. Like… way too much. Even been anywhere where they served a 6 foot sub? Notice how its one tiny millimeter of meat… and five inches wide of bread. That is how this looks to me. Anyone who serves you this, me included, is now your enemy. It is still a good sammich, but not ‘change your life’ sammich.

    Arby’s Adds Traditional Greek Gyro for Limited Time | QSR magazine

    Now look at this below. Did you say ‘same sandwich’? Its ok, you are learning. That sandwich is up there? It is really good. It’s not transcendent, though. Below? We are getting closer. I can tell you I don’t know of a single place in all of metro Denver that makes them the way I like them.

    Traditional Gyro Sandwich | Mammas Kitchen VA

    that is the correct width of bread. those onions are wrong, should be red. The tomatoes should be chopped. and I swear to your god that better not be ranch. You want tatziki sauce. The meat looks perfect, though. It is charred, and you can tell it came from one of those meat spits. What the hell is the deal with those things? Meat certainly doesn’t come that way in nature. Still, though, that is what you want need to see at a Greek place. The best part about the pic above is a very thin bread.

    How Traditional Greek Gyro Is Made

    really, how did they get in on there? Is it a single big ass piece of meat with a spike through it? I don’t think it is, because a proper gyro is a mix of beer and lamb. Yeah, we could google it. But let’s just wonder for a minute. Remember wondering about the stuff? Before google. Tell you what, I ain’t gonna ‘splain it. Ain’t even gonna look it up myself. Let’s just wonder together.

  2. 1) Mac & cheese. But not that fancy shit. I’m talking Kraft mac n cheese from the box with the orange powdered cheese. It’s comfort food from my childhood and on a rough day it still reminds me of the safety it represented as a kid when I needed the security and safety of home.

    2) a hot cup of coffee with French vanilla creamer.

    3) The “Cum Dumpster”
    It’s an ounce of everclear
    An ounce of peach schnapps
    An ounce of franks red hot sauce
    Three teaspoons of sour cream
    Milk add ice and blend. ??

    4) Dingleberry and Bile

    5) Noodles. Various styles, various sauces, but noodles.

  3. 1. Spaghetti and meatballs. I would eat that for any meal any day of the week.

    2. Either a bourbon and diet Coke or bourbon and water. A day without bourbon is like a day without sunshine as far as I’m concerned.

    3. The Rutabaga Colada. In a blender combine frozen pineapple chunks, pineapple juice, finely grated rutabaga, ice, white rum and dark rum. Puree until smooth (strain if desired). Serve straight up with a pineapple and rutabaga garnish.

    4. Dryer Lint

    5. As a species, we should put our best foot forward. I’d Tacos al Carbon.

  4. 1) Pizza till I wanna barf (but, of course, no self-respecting fatty would barf.)

    2) If it has to be a cocktail, I would say a vodka martini, made traditional with the correct amount of vermouth and vodka. Not just vodka shaken with ice.

    3) In my last ad agency job, we used to try and come up with beer cocktail recipes for our client. The one that crashed and burned, not because of quality but due to the name, was the Chicago fire. A pint of miller lite and drop a shot of fireball and drink. Sort of like a car bomb. Apparently Chicagoans are still sensitive about the destruction and loss of life from the Chicago fire of 1871. But it is strange that it’s okay to order a car bomb (Guinness, with a shot of baileys and Irish whiskey). Clearly terrorist acts are okay for drink names, but not accidental disasters.

    4) Frumunda Funk

    5) A mother-truckin’ cheesebuger.

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