The Friday Fives

1. You run an inconvenience store, what do you sell?

Raw unprocessed petrol that you have to refine yourself to run your cars.

2. What is the “gas station sushi” of other food?

It’s no longer there, but down in Centennial or maybe Parker on Lincoln in the back of a gas station was this most amazing Philly Cheese Steak joint run by a guy we called Crazy Jerry, and he was a savant of the sandwich world. 

3. What screams, “I’m a bad parent”?

Planning, plotting, and scheduling every aching minute of their day. No wonder they are all becoming addicted to video games – it may be the only creativity in their lives. Let them play – naturally with no rules, no refs, and no ribbons.

4. What product immediately becomes scarier when you put “military-grade” in front of it?

Military Grade Starbucks Salted Caramel Macchiato – that screams – “Turn off the pancreas boys.

5. Who is the most attractive pre-1900 person, in your opinion?

I was going to go with Alexander Hamilton, that bi-racial beauty, but then I stumbled on Andrew Jackson. Yes, he was a bit of dick and in many ways the opposite of Hamilton and racist to boot- but look at that hair!

2 Replies to “The Friday Fives”

  1. 1. Piping hot Pho with all the fixins. What car trip can’t be improved with a vat of beefy noodle soup sloshing all over your lap?

    2. I really don’t think there’s an equivalent. It would be like running to the post office to purchase egg salad. Next.

    3. Bailing Junior out of jail. Again.

    4. Military Grade Concrete Vibrator.

    5. Hermann Rorschach. Seriously, highlight/right click/search images for him. He was a hotty. I’d let him interpret my blots any time. (No idea what that means.)

  2. 1) cans. All labels have been removed. Is it food or chainsaw oil. Dunno till you open it. Can opener not sold at store.

    2) there’s a gas station over the bridge in Alabama that makes excellent pizza. Best to call ahead.

    3) Letting your child tell you what they want and don’t want and giving in to them.

    4) Military grade hot sauce.

    5) Martha fucking Washington!

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