1. What stops being cute after the age of 13?
Bed Wetting
2. What is something you hilariously misinterpreted as a kid?
I used to think that Holland and the Netherlands were different places. Hell is worse than that – I didn’t realize this misinterpretation until I was in my mid-30s.
3. If someone leaves an abandoned baby on your front porch what will you do?
Call the cops and Child Welfare Services – I am not a father figure – jeesh that would be a disaster.
4. What two types of people are there?
Those who have seen Springsteen live and those who have not. Those who have, understand. The Boss abides.
5. What is a skill that almost everyone in our grandparent’s generation had, that almost none of us have today?
Give back change in that cool count back out way – and do basic maths in their heads.
1. Throwing tantrums at the grocery store.
2. In “America the Beautiful,” I mistook the lyrics “Thine alabaster cities gleam,” as thine old bastard cities gleam. It wasn’t till I was in the fifth grade that I learned what alabaster is.
3. Clarifying question: Is this a random baby, or the group baby? If it’s a random baby, then call 911 and get help. If it’s the group baby, I’ll look at the schedule and try to figure out who’s turn it is to watch the baby.
4. People who behave in their own self interests, and people who behave against their own self interests.
5. Writing legibly in cursive.
1) Yelling for someone in a public place.
2) I used to think all tv shows were live. It didn’t last real long having an older brother.
3) 911 for the hand off. I’m not a baby storage facility and there is no sign out front that says otherwise.
4) People who like bacon and people who are wrong.
5) How to read an actual paper map.