Friday Fives

1. Are zombies people too?
The greater question is are they covered under the rights and guarantees of the U.S. constitution? I say no, they are not. Much like rats, they are a plague on our soul. Speaking of “Rats,” Morgan Spurlock has a really great, really creepy documentary about rats and their history, plight and various cultures attempt’s to control them – find it online somewhere and watch it.

2. Should there be an order banning zombies from any immigration?
Well, I think it is easier than this. Instead of building an immigrant wall, we should build a zombie moat along our northern and southern borders. Zombies can’t swim and so then Bam! this is solved without a zombie ban law.

3. Should healthcare reform cover undead chain saw wounds?
No.

4. Can pets become zombies too?
This is an interesting vein of debate. Zombies seek out human brains to eat. Dogs and cats are therefore not prey to zombies as they don’t have human brains. So, I theorize, that no don’t become zombies because they aren’t their prey.

5. Which favorite celebrity would make the best zombie?
Sean Spicer, but instead of brains, he would be seeking out gum.

Friday Fives

1. What stops being cute after the age of 13?
Bed Wetting

2. What is something you hilariously misinterpreted as a kid?
I used to think that Holland and the Netherlands were different places. Hell is worse than that – I didn’t realize this misinterpretation until I was in my mid-30s.

3. If someone leaves an abandoned baby on your front porch what will you do?
Call the cops and Child Welfare Services – I am not a father figure – jeesh that would be a disaster.

4. What two types of people are there?
Those who have seen Springsteen live and those who have not. Those who have, understand. The Boss abides.

5. What is a skill that almost everyone in our grandparent’s generation had, that almost none of us have today?
Give back change in that cool count back out way – and do basic maths in their heads.

Friday Fives

1. What’s the best “secret sauce”?
Filtered water and fresh roasted and fresh ground coffee beans can take your morning java ritual from a “5” up to a “10” and save money along the way.

2. The last meal you had is what you’re going to eat for the rest of your life, what is it?
A veggie burrito from Viva burrito. I could live with this as my only staple. yummy.

3. What are some unforgivable sacrileges regular people do all the time when cooking?
Cook with the wrong pan on too high of heat. Slow down and use the right sized pan. (Before my vegetarian days, I also would point to cooking beef/chicken in the microwave – a great way to make rubber.)

4. What is the most disturbing thing you’ve ever witnessed in a kitchen/restaurant?
Two words – “Teddy T’s” There is no way that kitchen is even close to clean – that place was/is an ashtray.

5. What’s the best thing you know how to do with cheese?
Welsh Rarebit. A very ancient recipe of a beer and sharp cheese sauce poured over toast points. It comes together slowly and the white sauce that your are making needs to stay together but when it all comes together, delicious.

Friday Fives

1. They say the best things in life are the little things, what are some of those things?
A patch of raspberries growing in the back yard. Now, if I just had a back yard.

2. When did you realize you were getting old?
I think the heart attack would qualify. Even though I was a young man of 44.

3. What did you learn about a friend when they were drunk?
I don’t kiss and tell. Bar talk is bar talk and I ain’t gonna reveal those things – if violates the sanctity of a good old fashioned drink with a friend.

4. What things do you do every day that you wish were automated?
Tooth brushing and my saline nasal rinse (I use boiled water that has cooled in a kettle and then reheat it in the microwave. Like most people, there isn’t a microwave in the bathroom, so I go to the kitchen, nuke the water bottle for about 33 seconds and then traipse back to the bathroom, rinse one side of the nose then back to the kitchen for part II. To automate this, perhaps some disposable, self-heating nasal washes can be crafted.l

5. What was your “holy shit this is actually happening” moment?

Friday Fives

1. The last thing you posted on Facebook is the first thing you must say in a speech in the UN, how screwed are you?
Probably ok. I don’t post to “The Book” very often but the last thing I posted was a clip of a speech by Justin Trudeau addressing the UN.

2. What is a classic “old person name”?
Well, “Roy” is a classic old person’s name that I am stuck going through life with. My grandpa’s first name was Merl. That is also a classic old person’s name.

3. What trait do you most resent your parents for passing onto you?
I am not the most aggressive, competitive fellow, like both of my parents.

4. What is the prettiest word in a foreign language?
Schadenfreude

5. The zombie apocalypse is breaking out and the only thing you have to defend yourself with is the last thing you purchased. What are you using to defend yourself?
A box of generic saline nasal rinse packets. Maybe it will take them down much like salt on a slug.