thisiswhatyoushalldo

1. What are some modern “conveniences” that are just cash grabs by manufacturers?
Those Keurig coffee pods. They are pricey for what they are and full of landfill filling plastic. (Yes, I guiltily have a Keurig, but I use fresh home roasted coffee in a reusable stainless steel pod.)

2. What product marketing definitely has a subliminal message?
Astroglide

3. What products do you never cheap out on?
Knives and shoes. (Life Tip: The better the shoe (and 100% cotton socks) will help ensure you don’t have stinky feet.)

4. What websites don’t you go to anymore?
Infowars.com

5. What is the most fucked up thing you have found in a bathroom?
Hmm. This would imply I snoop in other folks bathrooms. Well, I would never. (Although, everyone does this.) I found some pot edibles in my parent’s fridge during one visit over the holidays. Later I brought it up and apparently it helps mom sleep and Jim uses it to ease pain associated with some cancer. So what was weird at first totally makes sense now.

1. What’s the biggest unresolved scandal that the world has just forgotten about?
Enough clean water for the world’s growing population.

2. People who grew up with strict parents: what was the most unreasonable rule?
My parents weren’t too strict and we were latchkey kids for the first two hours or so after school. Not too many rules that were associated with that free time.

3. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?
Jacked a 7-11.

4. What’s worth the wait?
Homemade pizza.

5. What is your mom’s catchphrase?
“O ho ho” when making a discovery or winning at a card game.

1. People who walk around talking on speaker phone, why?
I think it starts as an attempt to get around hands-free phone driving laws for people to cheap to move to a car speakerphone. Also, people are immune to the idea that the world is not all about them.

2. People who are driving down the interstate putting on makeup while talking on the phone, why?
There is an ill-founded idea in our society that everyone must be multi-tasking all the time. However, driving is not one of those tasks. Focus, people! Also, people are immune to the idea that the world is not all about them.

3. People who always back into a parking lot space, regardless of the size of their vehicle, why?
I think it started with parents in the armed forces teaching their children to drive and stressing the back in parking thing. It turns out it is about a 50/50 thing and the National Highway Safety Board thinks it is perfectly fine and safe. Then compound that with newer vehicles that have a backup/parking camera included, so why not use it. Also, people are immune to the idea that the world is not all about them.

4. People who have dinner prep meal packages deliver to cook themselves, why?
Folks are generally unorganized, bad at time management and scared of cooking. It is so easy to cook a decent dinner, even ones with fancy ingredients but it is a matter of planning ahead.

5. People who participate in dogfighting, why?
It’s a power thing, a way to feel powerful over the least among us. Also, people are immune to the idea that the world is not all about them.

1.  If you could be either a fish or a bird, which would you be, and why?
Bird. See the picture above. No fish is gonna catch a bird, but a bird can catch a fish. ‘Nuff said.

2.  Pasta salad or potato salad?
I have recently revisited potato salad after my sister crafted some based on my mother’s wonderful recipe. I had forgotten how much I loved it. (On an other note, I am apparently one of those oddballs who also enjoys 3 bean salads.)

3.  Burgers or Brats?
Burgers. As a vegetarian, there aren’t many “fake” brats but the food gods have banded together to create beyond meat beefless burger patties, sold in the ground meat section of the grocery store and these things are wonderful. Seriously, pick some of these up and try them. Yum yum yummy.

4.  Would you rather it be 10 degrees too hot or 10 degrees too cold?
I can rock the cold. I grew up in what is arguably the coldest part of the state and went to college in the other coldest part of the state. I can rock a parka and know how to keep warm. I am a wimp in the cold.

5.  Is youth wasted on the young?
Absolutely. I think this is a given.

1. Invent a drinking game to play in the retirement home.
Pill popping Yahtzee. It requires dice, bourbon and a few bottles of your strongest prescription medications. After a few rolls of the dice and some shots of bourbon, the game ends with a viewing of Jeopardy and a nap.

2. Invent a new must-have kitchen appliance.
An automatic breakfast cooker. Kind of an all in one like this one:

3. A new fashion craze takes over the nation. What is it?
Well, duh, door answering pants. Say you at home, enjoying a day of pants free living and the doorbell rings with a delivery. Rather than scrambling to dress, you have a conveniently located pair of pants hanging on a hook by the door to quickly adorn before answering the door. This is an idea whose time has come.

4. “Well, gonna do a dance and it goes like this And the name of the dance is ” (Name the dance)
The Trump Twist. It includes covering your eyes, then your ears, then your mouth in successive order while twisting downward to the floor in agony.

5. 45s, LPs, Reel Tape, 8 track, cassettes, CDs, MP3s. Invent what is next.
An embedded subcutaneous chip that allows for the streaming of any music you desire to listen to. There is an annual fee (We have to have a subscription model to make any money) and the chip will be outrageously expensive to give it the air of being chic.