thisiswhatyoushalldo

 

1. If you had to choose to be blind or deaf, what would you choose and why?

Very tough choice – watching an listening to media and music and reading are all so important to me.  I do enjoy driving and you can’t do that while blind – or at least you shouldn’t.   I will go with deafness and hope that missing the music wouldn’t be the end of all things.

2. What is the best smell?

Freshly brewed coffee.

3. Would you rather be hot or cold?

Cold.. You can always put on more clothes but if you too hot, there is only so much you can remove to cool off.

4. What’s the worst feeling in the world?

Having to go to the bathroom and not being anywhere near a lavatory

5. Would you rather have something hurt or something is itchy?

Hurt.  All day itchy?  No way.  Hurt?  The pain can subside or be managed.

 

1. Where did you go the last time you took an airplane ride?

To beautiful and scenic Hampden Roads and the historic Chesapeake Bay.

2. Are you a nervous flyer or a comfortable flyer?

I love flying.  It may be too early to quote Louie CK, but as he says – “We are in the air! We are actually flying in the fucking air!”   What is not to love.

3. Window seat or aisle seat?

Window all the way.  I dig watching it all go by and watching the takeoffs and landings from the window.

4. What is the worst experience you’ve had flying?

Flying from Denver to Hayden on the old Rocky Mountain Airways (“Rocky Mountain Scareways”)  Old propeller planes that could barely get to 18,000 or so thousand feet that felt like you were touching the mountain tops and tons of uncomfortable turbulence.  I also had some frightening flights on some army helicopters but those were pleasure trips and the pilot was trying to scare me.

5. What is the best experience you’ve had flying?

Flying to Europe on Lufthansa in my army dress uniform. I got bumped to the front row in first class and crossing the ocean was never so comfortable.

 

1. What are some good helpful phrases like “righty tighty, lefty loosey” or “spring forward, fall back”?

Lefty Yanks/Righty Brits (a never used driving axiom)

Days that end in “Y’s” are days when Trump lies.

2. With spring cleaning just around the corner, what are you reluctant to start cleaning in your home?

My hard drive. It is just filthy.  (Also I really ought to tackle my closet.)

3. We have both the Summer and Winter Olympics. What sports would they play in the Spring and Fall Olympics?

Three-legged race in the spring.

Dive into the leaf pile for the fall (this is judged on an artistic scale along with a degree of difficulty.)

4. What makes you spring out of bed in the morning?

I wouldn’t say “spring” but it usually involves a need to go to the bathroom.

5. How would you explain Spring break to a visitor from another land?

Like the name of the drink designed to memorialize the rite: Sex on the Beach.

1. What foods are just delivery systems for other foods?
Almond milk.  Its main job is to give me morning cereal.   Also rice – its main job is to give me sushi

2. What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?
Gin & Tonic :
1 & 1/2 ounces of Gin
A cocktail glass filled with ice
one slice of lime
top with tonic (I prefer Q but I usually use Sodastream diet tonic cuz it’s so much cheaper.)
Next step: World peace.

3. What’s a food that tastes better when it’s a little burnt?
Oven broiled, heavily buttered Texas Toast

4. How do you subtly fuck with people for your own enjoyment?
I like to use lots of big fancy “New York Times Crossword Puzzle” words when talking to co-workers. They are often vocabulary mystified.

5. What is the scariest, most terrifying thing that actually exists?
Thermo-Nuclear missiles.  (Do yourself a favor and go read up on Richard Feinman.  He will set you straight on how bad these things are in the modern age.  Hiroshima is nothing compared to what they can do now.)