thisiswhatyoushalldo

1. Ketchup – do you put it on eggs? On beef steaks?

No. But I highly recommend sriracha sauce on eggs – and if you can find it at Costco – Bitchin’ Sauce is yummy on eggs.

2. French Fries – do you put them in the sandwich or the hamburger?

I put French Fries inside my hamburger’s sometimes and for a sandwich, I highly recommend adding some super crispy potato chips.

3. What is a food that you can’t understand why people don’t like it?
Tofu – Properly prepared. (I like mine really crispy on the outside and cream cheese like on the inside. )

4. What is the easiest recipe you know how to make?
Basted eggs and toast. The entire mail takes about 3 and a half minutes – maybe longer depending on how soft the butter for the toast is.

5. What food did you hate as a kid and now love?
Asparagus. I never ate it as a kid but in France once I had an asparagus and cheese omelet and that changed my world.

1. What vehicle company should a buyer absolutely stay away from?

Volkswagon. They cheat and lie – to their customers, their dealers, their investors, and their governments.

2. Which company should a buyer look into?

Can’t speak for all companies but I love my Hyundai. Trog is sick right now, needs an alternator but after 12 years, I am not complaining – Trog the Tucson is a Trooper.

3. If “I’m Batman” is the wrong answer, what’s the question?

Q: Who did you vote for president?

A: I’m Batman.

4. What was your favorite show to watch as a kid/ young teen?

Either the Lone Ranger (I used to wake up early and watch it on television as 6 am when the channel started broadcasting each morning. ) or Jonny Quest – the OG adventure thriller.

5. All of the toilet paper in the world is replaced with the last thing you took a photograph of. What is wiping your ass going to be like from now on?

1. What small thing takes your anger from zero to 60 in one second flat?
When the simplest tech thing isn’t working and it isn’t user error but instead the device or app is just not doing it. ( i generally don’t lose my shizzle very often. I am quite patient – but tech crap can send me to 60 quite quickly.)

2. What took you years to connect the dots?
I have talked about this before – I was in my early 30s before
I connected that Holland and The Netherlands were the same country. (And let’s not forget I used to live in Germany where one one think one would have learned this.)

3. What would you say if you wanted someone to join your cult?
Wanna come over for some freshly coffee, warm jammies and watch retro television?

4. What is the most genius marketing strategy a company has ever used?
The Trump Organization was able to put its CEO in the White House through sheer marketing and flair – with no substance at all.

5. What is a “why the fuck do you know this” fact that you know?
There are 768 teaspoons in a gallon. Take that to trivia night.

1. You’re in charge of “2020: The Movie”. What song do you play as the end credits rolls to really emphasize the mood?

“Isn’t It Ironic” by Alanis Morrisette

2. What sounds like fiction but is in fact actually a real historical event?

The year 2020. Had I written up a film treatment with all of these plot points – corona virus, Trump impeachment, and Trump, and Trump, and Trump. I would be laughed out of the pitch meeting

3. What’s the fastest you’ve seen a crowd go from excited to horrified?

I can’t really think of something like this. I have seen some pretty dangerous rodeo events that have caused the crowd to gasp – I guess.

4. Trevor Noah once said “America is 50 countries masquerading as one” If that is the case, what country do you live in?

The Colorado Empire. Our climate is our best-kept secret. And voting is so simple it’ll make your head spin.

5. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you this week?

I got laid off of a job that I really was starting to hate. I would have never left on my own. It is a scary time to go looking for a job but Denver is economically doing pretty well. I need some more tech cred – because that is where the jobs are. It really was a bad week. Well technically a bad Wednesday but I am still on my feet and moving on,

Gonzo Edition:

1. What innocent item gets suspicious if you buy too much of it?
Case lots of Vaseline

2. For 24 hours, you literally shit gold. What food/restaurants do you eat to maximize your 24hr earning potential?
Taco Bell and gummy bears.

3. If your pet could suddenly speak, what would be the creepiest thing it could say?
“Dude, seriously – you have to stop touching yourself like that”

4. What’s a good reason to be drunk at church?
Celebrating the messiah with a messiah-tai

5. If your mind got transferred into a cat. What would you do?
Oh, it is celebratory naps every day, all day, every day. Naps, naps, naps.