thisiswhatyoushalldo

1. What’s the best cereal?

I don’t eat much breakfast cereal nowadays and if I do it is some sort of multi-whole-grain muesli kind of thing.

But in my cereal eating days, I really dug “Golden Grahams.”  Just enough crunch to milky sogginess.

2. If you could de-stress the nation by saying only one thing, what would you say?

The titles to my soon to be completed best selling business tomes:

Volume One:  “Chill The Fuck Out!”

And

Volume Two: “Get Your Shit Together!”

3. What’s your ‘HOLY SH!T IT WORKS!’ moment?

I look at this question as a validation of a life hack that I use.

It’s this – eat your Cheetos from the bag with chopsticks – still yummy but no cheesy powdery goo on your fingers.

4. Who would you call if you caught bigfoot?

Who I always call, Julie.

5. Which scar on your body tells the best story?

My five-year-old self running through the glass part of a storm door headfirst and cutting up my face and hands.  Four scars that are still quite visible 50 years or so later.

1. The President mistakenly declares Martian Law, instead of Martial Law. What powers does he think he has under Martian Law?

The unfortunate ability to read lips and to bore quickly into underground bunkers at will.

 2. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with absolutely no preparation?

Coaching methods for better employee performance.  I can do this talk in my sleep or with the world’s worst hangover and still be very effective.

 3. What species of animal would you be most terrified of if they had the same cognitive ability as humans?

Elephants.  They are incredibly smart and super strong. If they had our instincts and cognitive ability I can only imagine the terror they would wield.

 4. What is your favorite smell and what does it remind you of?

Freshly baked (or baking) bread.  It reminds me of my mother and my youth.

 5. So far the first half of 2020 has been a wild ride. What should happen in the second half in order to compensate for all the bad things that have happened? 

The end of the Trump mistake and a cure for the ‘rona.  I am speaking for all of mankind at this point.

1. What’s the most tech-illiterate thing you’ve seen a person do?
My mom, bless her heart, doesn’t use or understand email. Which, in the year 2020, is kind of difficult to share things with her. She still sends letters by mail and will send packages and envelopes full of little things from my past. It’s cute but a mom with no email is difficult to send things like recipes and gardening stuff she would be interested. And oddly it is just email. She reads her kindle and plays a few video games on her phone and is quite good about texting – clear down to photo sharing and using gifs and emojis. But email intimidates her for some reason.

2. What places would you never travel to because they’re too dangerous?
Probably Bolivia or one of those revolutionary South American nations. I had this book years ago, “Traveling to the World’s Most Dangerous Places” a travel book on how to negotiate risky, revolutionary, and third world countries. Much easier to travel those places from the safety of your couch.

3. What’s the best pet name you’ve ever heard?
I always to name a puppy of a large breed dog, like a rottweiler, “Gonk.”

4. What’s the craziest conspiracy theory you have heard?
I read this book about Nixon and Watergate and the author’s premise was that the break-in was not about the Democrats as much as what they may have had in opposition research, namely information about Nixon’s involvement in Cuba and Chile and the Kennedy assassination. I didn’t buy the story but it was a good story indeed.

5. What’s your favorite time of the day to have coffee?
7:00 am or so, on the couch with the New York Times crossword puzzle.

1. What is sexy but not vulgar?
Burt Reynolds
2. What has quarantine ruined for you?
Alone time
3. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done while drunk?
Well, there have been many – but the easiest answer is online shopping. I have ended with cases and cases of wine while browsing online a few cocktails in.
4. What YouTube rabbit holes do you tend to find yourself going down?
James May (from Top Gear) has two or three seasons of “The Reassembler” where he is given a set of parts for a common device and reassembles them while talking a bit of history of the device and other standard May snark.
5. You can add one “fuck” to any famous quote, where do you put it?
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you fuck something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

On Jeopardy, we would call these questions “Pot Pourrie”

1. If you could ask Donald Trump one single question and get an absolutely straightforward honest answer, what would it be?
Hey, have you ever actually read a book, a real book, not Hustler magazine, from cover to cover?

2. What’s a common saying that annoys you?
Perception is reality. It is a common corporate leadership adage that just so annoys me.

3. What sequel was better than the original?
The Godfather Part II. There will be no room for discussion on this point.

4. Who was the last person you hugged? How long ago was that?
Nurse Lori about four weeks ago.

5. Who is the least problematic and universally beloved celebrity, in your opinion?

Tom Hanks