The Mint Julep
It is time once again to break out your tin mugs, your mint, your muddling stick, some sugar and some bourbon and begin to craft the consumate Mint Julep, that timeless drink which after about two or so, just seems to drink itself. A tradition at The Kentucky Derby, the Julep. is deceptive. Deceptive in its simplicity, deceptive in its drinkability (that first sip is a doozy, but life is pretty much excellent by the last sip.) It is not, however, deceptive in its boozeability. Saturday is the running of the 130th annual Kentucky Derby. I offer this recipe now to give you time to gather the fixings to make your Saturday afternoon a good ol’ southern’un.
crushed ice
many sprigs of mint
confectioners sugar
1tbs water
a good, decent bourbon whisky
Place about six leaves or so of the mint, sugar and water in a large tumbler. Stir and press until the sugar is dissolved and flavor extracted from the mint. Fill the tumbler to the top with crushed ice. Add the whisky to about a half inch from the top. Stir vigorously. The outside of the tumbler will frost over. Add a floater of rum (an absolute necessity to set the proper mood.) Add a few more mint leaves to float on top to nuzzle and add to the sweet smell of the beverage.
Step 5: Enjoy.
Sweet mother of jesus, there is no more foul drink than a mint julep. It’s just terrible, and I am a professional drinker. no good can come from this. Go Seabiscuit!
The Col.
I say, I say, I say, that’s blashphemy, suh! Anyone who would say such a thing should not, I say, should not be trusted around children, old ladies or puppies! Ah do declayuh!
Foghorn Leghorn
Do I understand a talking Rooster to be insulting my character? Do you know what we do with insolent roosters where I come from? I’ll tell ya, and it’s the same thing we do with the compliant roosters… we fry em in my secret spices and seasoning. Perhaps you have’t met my attorney general, the ‘Chickenhawk’. He says he’s a chickenhawk and your a chicken and your going with him and that is all there is to it!
I require sustenance, and I must think. To think I need waffles. bring the waffles forthwith!!!
– Professor G.H. Dorr (with apologies to Tom Hanks and Cohen Brothers.)
Is everything a joke with your generation? I don’t get! I don’t know what is hip anymoh. With your big underpants and your color TVs and your snoop dougie dougs… you could use a good ass kickin’! that’s what mother thinks, and I tend to agree with her god rest her soul.