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Colorado is white.
That’s not a photo of Colorado! It’s Miami. All the white stuff those kids are so eager to play in is cocaine. Oh, wait a minute, sorry, my mistsake. This photo is, in fact, a close up of a snowglobe in Miami, a pretty standard Miami snowglobe filled with plastic children playing in snowglobe cocaine. No, wait a minute! Sorry. Sorry, misinformed. The NASA web site has just confirmed that this photo was taken in Australia tomorrow. The stuff that looks like snow is actually ash, what remains of the children’s parents. If you look closely at the photo you will see what looks like snow falling around the children: Those “falling snow flakes” are actually microwave beams coming from the sun because of unprecedented solar flaring. Two seconds after this photo was taken those children were vaporized into ash just like their parents. You can see expressions of pain and horror in their screaming faces. Australia’s white ash will be shipped to Miami and sold as cocaine to the desperate junkies who live there, stored in snowglobes that mimic the snow covered countryside of Colorado.
to steal a bit from #2, and a bit from ‘Better off Dead’
Timmy says “holy shit, Brad. Do you know the street value of this much blow?”
Stop your bitchin’! Dad said he needed cigarettes, so we go get him cigarettes! What are you gonna do call social services?!?! You know what happened that last time we didn’t get him cigarettes and I don’t need a another burn mark.
and don’t forget the rum for mom.