Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. We are deep in the trenches of the political season, with congressmen, senators, presidents, oh my. Last week, we talked a bit about the “what-if” vision for your city, if you were mayor. Taking a step back to the bigger picture, what five things do you look for before you cast your ballot? What does it take for a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian, a Green Party candidate to get your vote?
I want candidates to be pretty liberal in social policy and pretty fiscally prudent. Balanced budgets and limited unfunded mandates passed down to the states are important. I agree with fairly centrist Democratic principles of strong relationships with our allies and being a wise and careful steward of our land, air and resources. Honesty and integrity and the ability to get past memorized talking points and a willingness to get “off message” to address issues or answer a question is also refreshing in a candidate.

2. The Grammy’s were just given out and HBO, with their stable of Sopranos and hot city ladies lunching in the city, clean up. On the other, Salon.com gave out their first annual “Buffy” awards to television shows that didn’t get an awards but deserve one. What teevee shows, movies, albums, books and performers that were given an award in the last year deserve more attention, by blog readers or the public in general. (Short version of this question: Who was robbed?)
I love The Wire on HBO, the show that no one watches. It gets no respect and is much better than anything on the networks or other cable offerings. In fact, I am a Sunday HBO whore and will watch anything they put before me. Musically, I wish there were some sort of award category for “best acoustic cover.” Back in the gleeful days of the past, I used to love digging around Napster and Audio Galaxy for charming, unheard gems of unreleased live acoustic recordings – stuff you can’t find in any record stores. Really great raw and intimate music that deserves to be recognized. Books: Calvin Trillin is a great writer and has been noticeably absent during this campaign. He has been robbed by ignoring his sharp wit and keen observation. And Harper’s Magazine should receive the Pulitzer Prize every month for its amazing writing. Not a magazine of pictures, gossip and make up tips, Harper’s is a reader’s magazine and always forces me to come away with a new awareness of some social issue or world view.

3. In five bullet points or less – explain NASCAR to me. I still don’t get it. (And I work for a certain cellular company with a vested interest in the race, where it is a career expectation!)

A NASCAR Haiku:
Cars travel in circles.
Crowds waiting for crashes.
Lots of Bar-B-Que is served.

4. Career advice: Name five annoying things your coworkers do around the office/shop. How do you deal with that?
1. Whenever an errant burp erupts, I try to insert an excuse me, to help train the loud burper.

2. I try very hard to avoid office related gossip and chatter. The less I need to hear about coworkers sleeping with coworkers and who is out to get who, the easier the work place is.

3. I am also really annoying in the office. I talk too loud, I tend to butt into conversations and when staring at the computer screen on some complicated project, I tend to pick my nose (unfortunately, this also happens when reading or watching television. ) I think I should go under hypnosis.

4. I hate bad office parking lot parking. Jeesh, how difficult is it to be able to put a car carefully within the lines! And turn that radio down, we don’t care what you are listening to. And it isn’t as cool as what I am listening to anyway.

5. Talking on the cell phone in the bathroom. This could easily be one of the most annoying of office coworkers habits. What is so important in you life that must be address while sitting upon the ‘loo? Really, people, you are not impressing anyone with this particular multitasking skill.

5. It’s a rainy autumn weekend ahead. That means cocoa, a DVD or two and perhaps a blankie. I always get nostaligic this time of year for old movies, television and food. And I have a few new books to read. What are you favorite ways to spend a rainy day?
I have some bread baking to do this weekend. I will perfect it! And I think I am going to make some soup and read my new book: Cryptonomicon. Maybe this weekend’s dark damp weather will be just the thing for me to do a ton of laundry and actually take the time to fold and put the clothes away!

Add your comments/answers below by clicking the comment link.

Special bonus request this week. Click on the contact link in the upper right hand side of the web page and send me a question or two for the next Friday Fives. >

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. If you were to prepare a meal that revealed your soul, what would you prepare and why?
Red wine and a tossed green salad. Enchiladas and raspberry desert. Red wine for the heart, salad for the soul. Enchiladas for the spiciness and pizzaz I want in my life. Raspberries to remind me of my youth and my family.

2. What says “romance” to you?
Listening and adventure towards the unknown and the ancient.

3. If you were to run for mayor of our fair city, what would your platform and pet projects/reforms be and why?
Light rail and train service to connect the suburbs with the city and help clear congestion and traffic. Better health care and opportunities for the homeless and disenfranchised. A focus on schools that teach, not teacher lounges full of teachers who complain – more instruction, less bureaucracy.

4. Someone presents you with a working voodoo doll. Do you use it? On who, why, and to what purpose?
Hell yeah! A few former employers and bosses are on the list. And a couple of GOP political candidates who I won’t name, less the Secret Service infiltrate my life. However I would only use the voodoo to curse and cure, not to kill. I imagine a voodoo curse for incontinence and clumsiness for the campaigners. A voodoo curse turning the uncaring or stupid employers to be more forgiving and wise (and always ready to hire and promote me, rather than lay me off at the drop of a hat (bitter? Just a tad).

5. If you came upon a time machine, where would you go? Would you alter anything? Why?
Victorian England, the time of Sherlock Holmes and foggy mystery. I would bring with me some crime fighting knowledge from our century, DNA evidence. Why? To go down in the annals of time as a great crimefighter, of course. Oh, sure, there is always altruistic things like curing disease – smallpox, polio, cancer and all that, but a Victorian crimefighter just sounds more fun.

Add your comments/answers below by clicking the comment link.

Special bonus request: Click on the contact link in the upper right hand side of the web page and send me a question or two for the next Friday Fives. (Thanks to Jenn, Kevin and Dan for their submissions. Keep the fun stuff coming.)

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. If you could replace a face on Mt. Rushmore with any face out of recent pop/music culture, who you put there? What about 10 years ago? What about 10 years from now?
Tom Hanks, maybe. He tends to play those kind of characters that capture the American spirit. Ten years ago, I probably would have gone with either Bob Dylan or Springsteen. Ten years in the future? Brittany? hmmm. Those kids from Linkin Park? That’s a tough one and I have no real thoughts. It certainly won’t be Reagan or GW Bush.

2. We have all been terrible people at one point in time. When was
the first time you remember getting into a fight?

I remember once when I was about five and there were these kids living in the Price’s house at the end of the street. And Eddie Taylor told me to go up to this kid on a bike and punch him in the face. And, emphasis on being five, I did. I nailed that kid and for the life of me I can’t remember who it was or why I was supposed to be Eddie Taylor’s muscle in the hectic life and dog eat dog world of Colorado Street in 1971.

3. As the season’s begin to change, so does the body and mood. What
happens with you in the fall?

I get really clingy to the house and like to nest and cook. I tend to take more walks in the fall when the temperature is cooler and colors change in the foliage in the parks are in full display. That and I watch football. I just discovered I have the NFL channel on digital cable. That’s like fall all year round!

4. Finish this sentence: “The one you met at the party the other night”
“. . . was taller than me. They are all taller than me. And he was vet. How can I be the most popular kid at a family reunion when the other male at the party is a really tall Doctor who spends his life saving the lives of kitties and puppies. My life sucks.

5. Glasses wearers, will you get Lasix eye surgery? Lasix patients,
do you regret it? Those with good vision, come over and let me rub
sand in your eyes (see question two.).

I doubt I will get Lasix. I have a complicated vision prescription of near sighted, far sighted and stigmatism. There is a lot going on up there. Plus I really enjoy the “jewelry” aspect of glasses – picking out a new pair and sporting eye wear. And I still don’t trust the Lasix for the long term. I can’t help but think that eventually the eye muscles, as a human trait in general, fail and I will have to wear glasses anyway. So let’s wear’em all the time and have fun with it.

Add your comments/answers below by clicking the comment link.

Special bonus request this week. Click on the contact link in the upper right hand side of the web page and send me a question or two for the next Friday Fives. I am down to some slim pickings, and no one really wants to know some of the stuff left on my list (You thought the puppet question was bad . . . ).

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. Of everything in your wardrobe what do you feel the mostcomfortable wearing? Why?
Khakis and Oxford button down collar shirts. Perfect comfort. I dare say they are more comfortable than t-shirts and jeans. I have a dream to learn how to sew a shirt and then make my own very funky dress shirts. Using the traditional button down collar dress shirt pattern but make the fabric wild prints and/or jersey cotton. How much fun would that be.

2. How would you describe your style?
See shirt description above. I generally work hard to dress like Bill Murray. He is a fashion god and his sense of style is beyond reproach.

3. How many pairs of shoes do you own and do you wear them all?
About 12. Yes. I do, although a few pair of old boots need to be taken into the shoe repair shop.

4. Where do you buy most of your clothes?
ARC, Salvation Army and an of a sundry of second hand thrift shops. It is more of a shopping adventure.

5. What was the last piece of clothing you bought?
A straw cowboy hat at the Jefferson County/Colorado Gay Rodeo. (A very long and convoluted story that surprisingly involves no beer or booze on my part as the designated driver. )

Add your comments/answers below by clicking the comment link.

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. There’s a movie being made about your life! Which celebrity will play… you? Why? Your enemy? Why?
Me:Matthew Broderick. (an adorable, comedic clutz meets the rough expectations of life.)
Enemy: Christopher Walken (a demonic task master and teacher pledging to bring me down. That and Walken plays great enemies. It is always about the casting.)

2. If your life were a movie, what would it be rated and why?
PG-13. No sex but a lot of cussing.

3. If the world were to suddenly end right now, what do you wish you would have done?
Become an officer in the military. I talked myself out of Officer Candidate School three times. And to have completed Law School and studied the law. I talked myself out of that as well.

4. If you were a crayon color, what color would you be and why?
Burnt Sienna. Because I like a little pigment.

5. If you could live in any city in the world, where would you live and why?
Geneva. On a great lake, in Europe along the alps. What’s not to love. Or Yalta, on the Black Sea as an expatriot beach bum. That’s some living.

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. What is your dirty little secret, anyway?
Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret would it?

2.What were/are some of your favorite toys ever?
Major Matt Mason (a 1960s era astronaut), Big Jim (a 1970s era action figure)and all time favorite: Matchbox cars. Between my sister, my neighbors and my cousins, we had millions of them.

3.See if you can remember all the jobs you’ve ever had (paying, non-allowance related jobs)
Lawn mowing (briefly and mostly for allowance). I once started (with a school friend, Judy) a window washing service when we were 14. We did that for two summers. I worked in the dishroom of an old folks home. I worked as a bag boy, a checker and a produce guy at Safeway in high school and college. I was in the Army for three years as a classified document custodian. I waited tables at Pizza Hut for about 8 months. I worked in newspapers as a reporter and editor for about six years including three semester as editor of my college newspaper. I was an RA in the dorms for two years in college in Gunnison. I worked as an overnight clerk at a dorm for two semesters in college in Boulder. I worked as a receptionist at the college radio station. I temped for a company doing desktop publishing in Denver. I worked as a regular move-around temp for a company in Denver for a few months. I covered politics for two years as a reporter in Denver. I worked at a teleconference company as a conference call operator for about 8 months. I worked at two different companies as a customer service rep and a supervisor of a customer care call center. I am currently a fraud investigator for a cell phone company.
I am also a writer but really, I want to direct.

4. What album influenced you the most in high school or college?
High School – Briefcase Full of Blues – The Blues Brothers. Great music, a great schtick, cool suits and Raybans. What’s not to love.
College – Elvis Costello and The Attractions – Imperial Bedroom. Angry, loud, overly produced. It was very, very 80s.

5. What are your top five pizza toppings?
Pepperoni, cheese, onions, sausage and sun dried tomatoes.

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. Were you a good student in elementary school?
Yeah, I think so. First grade was troubling. I am pretty dyslexic and the teacher wanted to hold me back a year, but my mother vetoed the idea. I always had to go to special ed classes for hand writing but all of my other experiences I was a pretty good scholar.

2. What are some of the most overrated albums of all-time?
Milli Vanilli? Anything by Garth Brooks? And going back and relistening, The Doors, anything they recorded was over rated. Really. They just suck.

3. Discussion: What’s your weirdest or worst public-transit story?
Worst: Passing out on the train in Stuttgart and waking up at the end of the line at 2:30 am and not having a way at to get back to my Army barracks. I slept under a park bench and took the first morning train. My brush with hobo-dom. Weirdest – crazy bus guy on the 15 who kept asking us if we were leprechauns. He was convince our group of post Great American Beer Fest revelers had joined him in appreciating the wee people. He was such an odd guy.

4. What is the closest thing you’ve done to becoming a stalker
I used to know where Pat Schroeder’s house in Denver was. That is about it, really. And more of a joke than a stalking escapade.

5. If animals could talk, what would they say to you?
Whats the deal with the showers, man? Don’t you know that gets you all wet? And really, dude, you could feed me a little more and it wouldn’t kill ya.

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. Everyone’s got crazy relatives. Tell us about some of yours.
I come from a family of Kooks. The entire Vernal, Utah contingent of belligerent, hard livin’, hard drinkin’ Mormon’s mostly come to mind. Cousin “D” is the most prominent – a gun nut, right wing, misogynistic wack job who glares at women if they even think of speaking up in the company of men and is always asking “where you keep your guns?”
Seriously.
He is concerned that our family didn’t keep a gun or two out in the plain view and handy in case of an uprising. If there is a Utah Militia of Separatists, I am sure he is one of them.

2. Which television shows, recent or old, were you most disappointed
to see cancelled?

Micheal Moore’s the Awful Truth. And Match Game. I loved that game show as a kid.

3. Which deaths of famous people have made you the saddest?
Johnny Cash, Warren Zevon.

4.Make up your own church.
The church of Guinness. We shall worship at the alter of the dark stout ale. Rejoice in the darkness.

5.What have you killed with a spade or other blunt instrument? Extra
points awarded at my discretion for style, elan and sheer absurdity.

In my youthful lawn care and gardening days, back when I had the patience and ability to tend to living things I killed a lot of bugs with the back of a spade. I have no real serial killing “gonk” tales to regale you with, alas.

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. Tell us a good bar story!
This involves Reverend Ed. (don’t they all – I am leaving him two of three of the best ones). We were at Guv’s Park on a hot Saturday afternoon in the fall, as I remember it. We had been on a bit of binge already and hunkered down into another bar that day and ordered a round of beers and some scotch. We were on a real scotch kick back then and all totalled we had about six glasses of scotch and about four beers. The good waitress was getting concerned because we hadn’t had any food (she didn’t know we had eaten earlier) and she decided to cut us off. She said she would go call us cab to get us home (it was 4 o’ clock in the afternoon. We were just getting started!) As she left, we threw a bunch of money on the table and snuck out of the place and back to our car and headed to Ed’s place to keep up some epic drinking. We are both still proud of the day we were kicked out of Guv’s Park.

2. What are your favorite album covers of all time?
The iconic pose of Travolta on the cover of the Saturday Night Fever Album. The Police Syncronicity album (There were three different covers with alternating stripes, very ahead of its time, I suppose), The Beatles “White Album” – genius. The original album cover to The Beatles Revolver – the one with the bloody dolls. The Who – Who’s Next.

3. List your favorite insult!
Fuck you!
Are you done?
Wow, you thought of that yourself?
It’s important when telling a story to have a point (thanks to Ed!)

4. You’ve got to “go away” for a while and you’re only allowed to
bring 5 movies on DVD. What would they be?

I think this ground has been covered in the Friday Fives, but they would be
1. Casablanca – A great story of hope and friendship.
2. Creator – A great debate on the meaning of life.
3. Say Anything – A Lloyd meets girl story.
4. The Blues Brothers – You can use your time away to learn the songs and dances.
5. Apocoplyse Now! Redux – If you are going away for a while, why not a movie that takes a while to watch.

5. What are some of the worst lyrics (lines or entire songs) in music
history? Please cite examples.

1. Hungry Heart – Springsteen (Got a wife and kids in Baltimore, Jack.) ps, I love this song.
2. I think I’m Turning Japanese – The Vapors (’nuff said)
3. I Gave Her a Ring (She gave me the finger) – – Steven Fromholz (Oh, do listen and sing along.)
4. Baby I’m-A Want You – Bread (It makes no kind of sense)
5. All The Young Dudes – Mott The Hoople (I have no earthly idea what this song is really about.)

Friday Fives

Friday Fives

1. What were you like in high school? How have you changed?
I was the class clown. Really. Hard to believe, I know. I was the official master of ceremonies for most school events (pep assemblies, band concerts and stuff). I was really busy, with some school activity or an other almost every day of the week. Now, I go home and sit in front of the television and wonder where it all went so terribly wrong.

2. What are some of the worst meals you’ve had in your life?
I like telling this story. While stationed in Germany, we found this pizza place off base in Stuttgart that delivered pizza to the barracks. It was owned by a nice Czechoslovakian family. We noticed that the menu included a burrito smothered in green chili. Living in Germany it is really, really, really difficult to get Mexican food, so we ordered it. Now let’s review. Mexican food from an Italian pizza restaurant, made by a Czech family in southern Germany. Needless to say it lost a lot in the translation. It wasn’t bad, in fact it was quite edible after a few flagons of good German beer. But it wasn’t anything you would classify as a Green Chile Smothered Burrito.

3. What hand puppet is most, or least, likely to enhance masturbation?
Least likely? Kukla, and Ollie. (although Fran might do the trick, but she wasn’t a puppet, was she?) Any of the sock puppet family might do the trick, but more from a mechanical problem solving aspect rather than an erotic love aid.

4. What famous people did you have crushes on when you were growing up?
I have always had a little crush on Julie Andrews. She was a hotty in Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music. And let us never forget my absolute undying devotion to Mary Tyler Moore in her fine roles as Laura Petrie and Mary Richards (growllllllll.)

5. How did you quit (insert addiction here, NOT restricted to drugs!)?
I finally quit chewing my finger nails after many years of simply nubs on my paws by using an old fashioned trick. Tobasco and nail polish. A clear bit of nail polish to strengthen them and occasional bit of red sauce on the finger tips to quit chewing them. I quit smoking by no longer buying cigarettes and reading all the no smoking/quit smoking literature and statistics I could find. Once I began to grasp how terribly, terribly bad smoking is and how there are absolutely no redeeming qualities that come from smoking, I quit. But it was hard. Lots of cheating, lots of excuses to enjoys a bummed ciggie during a break at work. But now, four or five years later I am tobacco free and no turning back.