Friday Fives

Favorite phrase when you have:

1. Ate food that tasted bad: “Oh, that is what you were going for?”

2. Stubbed your toe: “Fuck”

3. Become frustrated: “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck” (then throw something.)

4. Broken something Generally “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck” but it can sometimes get more creative and include “Shit” or “Damnit.”

5. Been cut off by another driver: I usually don’t care. I just give a friendly wave and say, “Be Safe, Citizen.”

Friday Fives

I am off to Winterpark in about 10 minutes. Here are today’s Fives. I will answer mine on Sunday night. Enjoy.

1. What strikes your fancy: zoo, circus, carnival, county fair or parade?
I always love a parade. Zoos and circuses are kind of sad and I was always taught to distrust the carney. County fairs can come in as a good second place. Given the right circumstances, a county fair can provide excellent low brow people watching. But in the end, I must always default to a decent parade.
2. What’s your all time favorite town or city?
Man, I dug living in Stuttgart, Germany. And although I have never been there, I could easily call San Diego home, for their perfect weather and coastal beauty, plus its proximity to the border in case I need to make a quick getaway.
3. What’s the most dangerous situation you encountered? How did you handle it?
Me, the Army, basic training, loaded weapons. That about does it.
4. Describe a time when you “learned that lesson the hard way.”
Hmmm. I have had several days to think about this and still can’t pin point just one. Having gone through life blissfully not paying attention, there is a huge list of lessons that I learned the hard way. But to keep this posting on point and honest I will answer with a newspaper story, in my days as a struggling new editor in Gunnison. My boss was a drunken diabetic, usually sick on Mondya from a weekend of over indulgence. The paychecks bounced and no one on the staff seemed able to recognize that there were things wrong at the paper. I should have left after the first day rather than waiting nearly 6 months when I was eventually laid off because they couldn’t afford an additional reporter.
5. If you were booked on Letterman, what would your “Stupid Human Trick” be?
I excel at few things. Making some folks laugh at inappropriate observations, my skill at nose picking. However none of these would get me on Letterman. My trick, I suppose, would be my skilled onion slicing. I can drill down and slice and dice an onion in seconds.

Friday Fives

1. Growing up, what was your favorite comic strip? As a younger child, “BC”. By my teen years, it was “Bloom County.” Currently it is “The Boondocks.”
2. Have you ever served on jury duty? What happened. Once in my journo years, I was called to jury duty and showed up at the courthouse. I was sitting on the jury and made it through two cuts. Then the defense attorney asked my occupation and asked if I could be objective. I said certainly, I could. That was followed by the DA, whom I knew pretty well. He simply stood and said, “Your honor, Mr. Nall is excused.” The judge, someone else I knew, merely smiled and me with a “told ya so” look and let me go.
3. What is your favorite bumper sticker or T-shirt expression? It is an imaginary bumber sticker that I crafted: “I am an Aborted Fetus, and I Vote.”
4. When leaving a room, do you turn off the lights or leave the lights on throughout the house when you are home? Why? I am a light turner offer. I hate brightly lit rooms at night and prefer lamp light.
5. What one word best describes your father (special bonus father’s day question.) Big-hearted.

Friday Fives

1. What type of mood are you generally in on a rainy day? I like the occassional rainy day. I have some great energy and good moods on a rainy day. Now, if we have a string of rainy days, my energy gets sapped and I can get in a funky mood. I honestly don’t know how they do it in the Pacific coast when they have days and days of rain and overcast skies.

2. What are your favorite things to do when the weather is gloomy? I listen to Eddie Rabbit. No, not really. But on a weekend rainy day, Ed, Julz and I have made it a habit on a rainy day to frequent Sanchos Broken Arrow for a few too many beers.

3. Have you ever been kissed in the rain? Not that I can recall. What kind of question is this? Some sort of movie screen test? Do I look like Gene Kelly?

4. After the rain stops, do you continue what you were doing, or do you run outside to do something else? I guess it depends on the task at hand. I am not a home builder or acreage farmer. It is not like the rain will keep me from my twenty mule team. I rarely come up out of the bunker anyway, so sunshine at time can be moot. ···

5. What is your favorite drink/food to have when it’s raining outside? Tomato Soup and Toasted Cheese Sammiches.

Friday Fives

1. Have you ever been on national television?

Apparently, yes, although inadvertently. When I used to work as a newspaper reporter for a Denver political weekly, I attended a lot of press conferences and on a few occassions, they were covered nationally. And as the camera panned the room, there I would be, a local reporter, notebook in hand taking notes.

2. Socks, slippers, shoes or barefoot around the house?

Currently barefoot. Usually slippers or socks, however. My feet can always feel a draft.

3. What are the advantages of your height?

I am of average height, so it is hard to really focus on the advantage. I guess the fact that I can usually find pants that fit.

4. Give an example of your absent mindedness?

In the past few weeks, I have suffered from forgetting my badge to my office building when returning to work on Mondays. I have a pretty solid Tuesday through Friday routine but apparently I have neglected to kick start that routine on Sunday evenings and ensure my badge is with my wallet and cellphone in the basket on the bookcase, after a festive weekend.

5. Given only these choices, what do you prefer: horseshoes, shuffleboard, croquet, archery, or darts?

Tough choices, each are fun in spurts, but given the list above, I pick croquet. You can play in the yard with friends over a few cocktails.

Friday Fives

May is Traffice Safety Month

1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
Well of course. I stop and I stare. And I marvel at the fact that the guy is getting around in this crazy world. Then I ignore the other homeless guy begging at the corner.

2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time??
The bigges truck or wait, let me remember my training – the Super collosal oil tanker always has the right of way. Either that or the one with the most guns.

3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
Seat belt on. Coffee cup stored and most importantly, garage door – open. That is basically my initial backing check list.

4. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
I have a bad time sleeping if my bed isn’t just right. Sure, that would be the issue – getting decent night’s sleep in the drunk tank. Oh, yeah, and add to that a decent cup of coffee. As you know, I am picky about my coffee. Hard to sleep of a drunk without some coffee. At least that is what I have learned from the movies.

5. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
One is listening to ABBA.

Friday Fives

1. Do you squeeze the toothpase tube or roll it? What’s the advantage of your method?
Squeeze. Well technically it is like a roll. I have a thingy, sort of a toothpaste squeege that does the squeeze roll thing for me and also serves as a convienient toothpaste hanger upper.

2. How many siblings do you have? What’s your birth order?
1 sibling, Julie. Oldest. Three step siblings. Second oldest in that group.

3. What is something you won? How did you win it?
In high school I won a coveted Voice of America trophy from the VFW for a speech on patriotism that I presented. I was such a right wing patriot in my younger days.

4. What is one of your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called?
Wah. R-dub. Rdubya. I think I like R-dub, although I rarely refer to myself by a nickname. I hate being referred to by my last name. Sounds all Army like or “Coach” like and I am hardly a jock.

5. What’s something your parents used to say to you as a child that you promised yourself you’d never say – but now you catch yourself saying it?
Slow down! Do you have to drive so fast!

Friday Fives

1. If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think you’d find having a more satisfying life than yours?
Oh, that is tough. I have no life. I work, I peck around on my computer, I hang out with some great friends each weekend, but I don’t have kids, a wife or family, I don’t travel a lot, I don’t own a house with a lawn I pick over. Lately I have been finding something missing in my life, but I can’t put a finger on it. I have never been a real “couple” person, needing a life partner or family to make me happy, but perhaps there is more out there – that said I think I could find a good chunk of 100 right now living a more satisfying life, as I am in a rut.

2. Do you ever spit or pick your nose in public. What about cleaning your teeth with a toothpick.
Oh, you folks, alas, all the know the answer to that one – I am a picker. A nose picker. I am sorry. I find it no worse or gross than finger nail biting – but society does, so there you have it. I am sorry.

3. If you knew a thermonuclear holocaust would occur in precisely 20 years and no one would survive it, how would you change your present life?
More time at the ranch. More travel to see the world. Less time on the couch.

4. If you wanted to look very sexy, how would you dress.
Thongs. Leather thongs with lots of fringe. I am going to where one to work today. Get ready for the new Roy!

5. If there were a public execution on television, would you watch it.?
Absolutely. I am against the death penalty and I think the rest of the nation would be as well, if they had to experience it in person. Put the prisoner on the stage, hit the lights, run tape and present the gruesome death in high def television. The death penalty would go away very soon afterwards.

Friday Fives

1. How do you picture your funeral? Is it important to have people on hand to mourn you?
Huge mourning. We may need to rent the National Cathedral. I think I will start getting together an appropriate media team to coordinate the televised lines as I lay in state. Speechifyin’, Mommas cryin’. That is what I foresee.

2. Is there anything anyone could have/should have told you that would have made your first sexual experience more rewarding?
It is not a race. The goal isn’t to perform sex as if it were a bank heist. Quick in. Blow the safe then a quick getaway.

3. Can you go to the restroom in front of another person?
Usually. Unless I am incredibly farty. Then I will pee in the stall not the urinal so I can really let a corker go. Otherwise just come on over and I will pee for you anytime. Call first so I can get my bladder really full. I would like to be nice host and if you can for pee, then I think I am obligated to really let go with some, so a polite call in advance would really be in your interest.

4. How do you react when people sing Happy Birthday to you in a restaurant?
Generally badly. Badly and embarrased. However a few years back I was accidentally serandaded by some songstress at a birthday celebration at La Chuga’s in North Denver. It was such a bad performance that looking back, it was very funny. She didn’t sing Happy Birthday but I don’t recall the song. (Any help out there on that?)

5. If you had to spend a season in a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person, whom would you like to have with you?
Well, this is where I get an edge of folks. See, I have no spouse or cherished love ones that I am contractually obligated to live with. So I can wipe away the sentiment. I won’t have to say: “My wife, because together we can tackle the world – with our love.” That leaves me with a realistic view. And since the Antarctic is a terrible mistress, full of danger, weather and challenges, I need someone who knows what they are doing – because I don’t. I would choose Kevin’s pal Arne. I disagree politically with just about everything about him, but he could kill a seal and keep the fire burning – all important points.

Friday Fives

1. Would you have one of your fingers removed if it guaranteed immunity from all major diseases?
One finger? Sure, why the hell not. Count to nine and live forever.

2. When did you last yell at someone? Why?
Tuesday. At work. I birefly lost my temper when a co worker messed with my computer. I hate hate hate losing my temper. I have a very quick, hot temper and in the moment I say terrible mean things. So I resolved years ago not to lose it – and generally I don’t.

3. Would you be willing to go to a slaughterhouse and kill a cow?
Sure, why the hell not. It is the other side of beef consumption. And I am a big fan of participatory journalism. That is how I would approach this, as a news story or something to write about – giving me the ability to distance myself from the act.

4. Would you be willing to commit perjury in court for a close friend?
Yup. If I could be assured that the lie would get no one else in trouble and if I could get away with it and not do time, sure, I would cover for someone very close to me.

5. What, if anything, is too personal to joke about?
Ha ha ha, that is a tough one for me. I have made jokes about just about everything and usually when the most inappropriate. My goal in life has always been to keep the conversation going until I hit the punch line. But. . . Never, Ever, Ever make jokes around me when talking about Steve Perry and Journey. They are sacred. Sacred, I said.

(See that was me going for the punch line.)