The Friday Fives

Cancel Culture

1. If you had the power to shut down a company for good, which company would it be?

Monsanto. A huge food conglomerate plays the game with severe trickery – GMOs, chemicals, and poisons. They indeed suck.

2. If you could ban one song from the airwaves, what would it be?

I have discussed McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time,” but is just a seasonal ditty – I’ll allow it and reserve the right to change the channel instead. I am sure some highly offensive rap/hip-hop out there that I haven’t heard would certainly offend my small-town boy senses. but in the zone/genre I tend to rock to, which is classic /alternative rock, should that song just be banned?

“Indiana Wants Me,” Not because it is necessarily offensive but really just a stupid song. An entire state is chasing this guy across the country, and he is stopping to tell some girl he loves her. – get those priorities in order, dude.

3. If you could cancel one television show or moment from the airwaves, what would it be?

The Housewives genre of reality TV. I have watched exactly 15 minutes of one of those programs, and yes, had I the ability to cancel, I indeed would.

4. What movie should just not exist?

I am not a big horror movie fan, and that would be just fine if any of those were to disappear forever. I know I am generally in the minority here, but so be it – be gone, spook fest!

5. What typical American behavior should be banned outright?

The huge, huge, huge collections of guns. Go to the rural hinterlands of the fine nation, and many of the folks in those parts have these huge gun collections, which are just so unnecessary and stupid. There are about three guns for each person in the nation, but well over half the country doesn’t even own one. I am not anti-gun. Sure, go get yourself a rifle or a pistol, whatever. But do you really need five of of them? Six? Sever? dial it down a notch, there, Jethro

The Friday Fives

1. What song is your soundtrack of the 1980s

“Man Out of Time” by Elvis Costello. I listened to lots and lots of Elvis in the ’80s. I was way into Elvis before Springsteen, even.

2. What song is your soundtrack of the 1990s

“I Am Trying To Break Your Heart” by Wilco Wilco spun around my brain a lot in the 1990s, more perhaps than Springsteen.

3. What song is your soundtrack of the 2000s

“The Wish” by Bruce Springsteen. Technically, the “Tracks” box set came out in 1999, but I didn’t buy it until 2000, and it reignited my Springsteen love for many, many years. He is the poet and spirit of everyman.

4. What song is your soundtrack of the 2010s

“The ’59 Sound” – The Gaslight Anthem. In the 2010s, I joined Pandora and then Spotify, and through those music streamers discovered a lot of different music.

5. What song is your soundtrack of your life, year to date?

“Zip a Dee Doh Day” = by James Baskett from the film “Song Of The South” (A terrible film but a great soundtrack). Life has generally been good for me, and this song is about being happy.

The Friday Fives

1. If you could create a new Muppet who/what would it be?

A baby octopus wearing socks as mittens. I have a t-shirt that looks like this and thought, “That cute lil’ thing would be a great muppet.

2. What movie would you watch a scene-for-scene Muppet remake of?

Star Wars with Grover as Darth Vader and Big Bird as Chewie

3. If Kermit the Frog came up to you while visiting the zoo and asks you to smoke a joint with him, what happens next?

Oh, I’d totally smoke with Kermit at the park and spend the afternoon watching the monkeys with him.

4. Which Muppet are you?

The previously mentioned Grover. The Er-Elmo

5. Peaceful aliens make contact with Earth. They invite only one noteworthy person who will represent humanity. Which Muppet would you send to represent Earth?

Kermit seems like this obvious answer, but Link Hogthrob, the captain of Swinetrek, would be the go-to muppet to initiate first contact.

The Friday Fives

1. Who was the best drunk/alcoholic character in a TV show/Movie?

Dudley Moore as Arthur. Hands down

2. You go up to a bartender and tell him: “Make me a 2022”. What drink does he make?

A Negroni.

(I recently had one of these newly hip cocktails, and it is delightful. )

The classic Negroni:

1 ounce gin
1 ounce sweet vermouth
1 ounce Campari
Orange twist or slice for garnish

Place ice, gin, sweet vermouth, and Campari in a shaker and give a good shake for 10 – 20 seconds and pour into a rocks glass and garnish with the orange twist.

3. What is your favorite holiday season cocktail?

An ice-cold gin martini with a stuffed olive.

4. Do you have a fancy show-off cocktail?

See above. When done correctly, there is a very, very thick layer of ice on top, and the cocktail glass becomes frosted. (Shaken, not stirred to get it especially cold. )
7 parts gin to one short part of dry vermouth and a 30- 45 second shake.

5. What is the best drunk/alcoholic/booze-themed song?

Bloody Mary Morning by Willie Nelson but best covered by the Yonder Mountain String Band.

The Friday Fives

1. What’s an album/music you couldn’t live without?

Mandy Patinkin. Sometimes I just need to hear “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.”

2. You’re starting a band in the morning. What’s your band name?

Coffee burst

3. What song has just a terrific start to it?

Van Morrison’s Domino

4. Without naming it, what’s special about the city you’re in?

Casa Bonita (reopening soon?)

5. What’s something you memorized in school that you still remember today?

The Pledge of Allegiance. I haven’t recited it in decades, but I can totally do it from rote to this day.

The Friday Fives

1. What jobs/careers are on the verge of extinction?

Public transit drivers and truck drivers. We are about five to eight years out from safe, effective auto-driving vehicles.

2. How do you find your phone other than calling it and retracing steps?

Google/Android has a great Find my Phone App that runs off a browser or tablet and rings the phone even if it is set on vibrate or silent. It works great. I left my phone once in a Uber and use the app to call, and the driver found it, answered, and brought it to me. He got a big tip!

3. What is something you buy that MUST be a brand name?

Heinze Ketchup. I have tried others, but they do it right at Heinze.

4. What’s a movie that can be identified by one quote?

Here’s looking’ at you, kid. (“Casablanca”)

5. What was the toy you wanted as a kid but never got?

Legos. My parents would pony up for them. Back in the middle 60s and early 70s, these now ubiquitous toys were hard to find and expensive in rural Colorado.

The Friday Fives

1. What would you do as a cat?

I get jealous of cats. Sleeping, peeing, pooping and eating. That’s their job. That’s it. Everything else is just extra. Punching in for overtime. As a cat I would do just that and really dig in and embrace the sleep.

2. What started as a joke, but people take it way too seriously today?

Flat Earthers. The evidence is overwhelming and obvious and known to mankind for thousands of years – the Earth is round. But some smart-ass started a pseudo conspiracy, and some folks have eaten it up, and the next thing you know, we have Qanon, and now everything – every single thing is a conspiracy. Folks have taken flat earthing way too seriously, and it has metastasized and bloomed, and now we are all doomed.

3. What is the greatest invention of all time?

The clock. The mechanical clock. An amazing feat of engineering and beauty.

4. What are your thoughts on frogs?

I really don’t think of them much, and that is probably a shame. Like the humble bumble bee, they play an important environmental role, and we should probably work to give them any helping hands we can.

5. What’s a sound or noise growing up that you don’t hear anymore?

The family landline telephone in the kitchen ringing.

Friday Fives

1. If sports were all erased from our memory, which sport do you think would be rediscovered first?

MMA fighting – violence is, unfortunately, at the root of the human core. Punching one another competitively would be the first to come back.

2. What is your favorite sports-themed movie?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

3. The World Cup is right around the corner. Will you be watching?

I am going to try. I’m not a huge fan of Qatar, but during the whole pandemic and quarantine times, I watched a lot of soccer and have gotten pretty good at following the game and understanding what is going on on the pitch. Plus, as we have learned from Ted Lasso – “Football Is Life!”

4. What was the first organized sport you remember playing?

It is hazy, but I think it was Punt, Pass, and Kick with coach (and former hometown Sheriff) Jeff Corriveau.

5. Who would win between 50 unarmed adult humans vs 1 gorilla?

Never underestimate the power of the mighty ape!

The Friday Fives

  1. What’s a book that changed your life?

Slaughterhouse Five. Vonnegut gets so deep in his anti-war message and is a master of the spare prose that tells an incredible story.

2. If the world ends, what song would play in its end credits?

The closing credits from Sesame Street.

3. Seriously, how did anyone get anywhere without GPS?

Using my trusty map.

4. What’s the best music documentary you’ve ever seen?

Each year during the Thanksgiving period, I rewatch the Last Waltz. it still holds up, although, I still have no idea why Neil Diamond is in it but a great performance nonetheless.

5. If you run your own small country, what would be your number one rule?

Turn out the lights when you leave a room. This will be punishable by incarceration.

questions via @thatericalper

The Friday Fives

1. It’s October! What is your favorite part of autumn?

Crisp mornings, the smell of the leaves changing. I like the colors of the October sunset.

2. What are your thoughts on pumpkin spice?

It is overrated. It doesn’t have to be in everything. But here is a nice pumpkiny thing:

Russian Tea (an old recipe from my grandmother)

Steep 4 tea bags in a pot. Add half a cup of sugar and about a cup or so (to taste) of orange juice.

In a cloth bag or cheese cloth put in some whole cloves and allspice and some cinnamon (to taste)

Let the batch steep a bit to bring in the spice (about 4 or 5o minutes)

And voila, spice tea. Enjoy.

3. When the fall comes around, what song comes to mind?

Probably something from .38 Special because it was part of a heavy rotation high school mix listened to out in the parking lot before classes began.

4. What foods come back to the kitchen in the cooler months?

Baking up some artisan sourdough bread. Which sparks me to retrieve my starter from the back of the refrigerator and bring it back to life.

5. Is there a favorite fall movie that isn’t a Halloween/horror film?

Well, the obvious is October Sky.