1. What food/drink recipe/thing made you ask “how the heck did humans discover that?”

Alcohol – I mean look back through time – it is pervasive in every culture – Asian, African, Europe, North and South American – Aboriginal natives from the dawn of time realized that soaking plants and foods and letting them rot would make hooch – it baffles the mind. I am no antrhopologist but beer, wine, and liquor all have roots in mead like and ale like native pre industrial experiments in catching a buzz.

2. What is your favorite fruit that is hard to obtain locally?

With the internets and all that, it is pretty easy now to get most anything, but I have searched my beloved Denver and no Mexican restaurant crafts this dish we used to have in my hometown of Craig. There was this place that made crab stuffed chili rellenos – they are simply a dish to die for. And unfortunately you can’t even get them anymore in Craig as that restaurant has closed it’s doors.

3. What are some foods people usually buy pre-made that are worth making at home?

Breakfast – it is so dang easy to knock out a decent breakfast. Egg Benedict with homemade hollandaise sauce is so damn easy to whip up, why pay $15.00 for a sub par version at any eatery.

4. We all know the moon is made of cheese. You now have the ability to permanently engrave anything into the moon, what do you choose?

“Turn on you blinker!” I have this theory that because of Covid lock-down for 18 or so months, everybody has seemed to forgotten how to drive – just the basics seemed to have been lost in our brain clouded heads.

5. What is that meal/food that you were obsessed with as a child?

I had the “sandwich” that I used to make – I would take two Pringles potato crisps and put a piece of iceberg lettuce between them and snack away.

1. You must decide what the eighth deadly sin is, what is it?

Failure to use your turn signals in your car while changing lanes in traffic – there ought to be no absolution for this sin. Just a quick little flick of your wrist to tell your fellow travelers what your intentions are can be so helpful in keeping the traffic moving. I am on a bit of a rant here as I have noticed that as we have down off lockdown and started commuting, working outside of the house, and generally getting back on with our lives, people have seemed to gotten worse about driving and forgotten any semblance of basic driving etiquette.

2. You wake up tomorrow with Jeff Bezo’s current net worth ($209 billion USD) what do you do?

I’d put aside about $0 billion for me – that seems like more than enough. And there are about 8 or 9 billion people on the planet, so I would give everyone $1 billion dollars and focus the rest of the infrastructure and economic upgrades throughout Africa, South American, and the poorest part of Asia in order to get us all on somewhat of an equal sitting.  And figure out a way to stop global climate change – makes more sense than just hoarding your dough and designing penis rockets.

3. I was recently watching “Fantasy Island” reruns on YouTube the other day and it go me thinking – what is the best television theme song?

The Rockford Files – that is a fine example of a theme song that just rocked.

4. What is something that should be free in society but isn’t?

Insulin. When Insulin was first developed it was given to the world as free open-source technology but then so asshole bought it, licensed it and it now costs upwards of $800 to $1,000 a month just to keep diabetics alive. It should be a crime.

5. What’s the most common thing stolen from your workplace.

Of the eight or nine folks who actually read this blog, I am probably the only one who goes into the office every day and thus has access to things to pilfer from the workplace. That being said we have this nifty soda machine in the break room (which doesn’t help with my Coke Zero addiction) but anyway – so on Fridays or so, I will take home a bunch of ice from the soda machine because my ice maker at home can’t keep up with us during the week.  Maybe not the highest crime to take home a few big gulp sizes cups of ice but that is my crime.

[Questions this week with the always thoughtful Kevin.]

1. Wanna go to space? I mean, really. I can get you a ticket for 1 year from today. You’ll need to train and stuff. Actually, training for it will be your full-time job for the next year. And… you aren’t going to take selfies and knock out a Plimtpon’s-esque memoir. You are there to work. It will be about a week. 20% chance you don’t come home alive… or ever. *** odds slightly different if Matt Damon is responding. You in?

I have given this a lot of thought. I am a child of the 60s and 70s. I was five years old when we landed on the moon. I had toy astronaut action figures and accessories and was obsessed with Space comic books and sci-fi as a child and teen. As an adult – no I don’t want to go to space. As I age I think I am getting a bit claustrophobic – I need space, not outer space.

2. You are going to space to save mankind? HA. Not exactly. No. But – you may certainly tell your family that. You are going up to.. basically… jiggle an antenna on a broadcast satellite. Not entirely different from what you had to do to get UHF. You still in?

Maybe, if it was more mission-oriented and short-term you could convince me but probably not. Don’t get me wrong, I am still fascinated with the idea of space and studying space, and following NASA missions and sci-fi movies.

3. You get a bring a book and a record. You won’t be leisurely reading, but you get to leave a record and a book behind in space. What book and record?

“Moby Dick” is a nearly perfect book that all of the universe needs to read. Album, John Prine’s “Great Days – a compilation” because he represents the best of mankind.

4. You get to go back in time to the constitutional congress, late 1700’s, NE United States (er… what will be NE United States). You are with all these luminaries – Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Lin Manuel Miranda… you have about a paragraph to explain to them your mission. Ideally, you might touch on – the future, jet airplanes, outer space, television, and cell phones. Yes, television needs to be on the list, it’s why you are going to space. Think of it this way… you need their funding. You have to sell them on the whole idea.

This will be a pickle trying to explain the value of what is to be had exploring the heavens the home of The Lord when the British are still giving them such a pickle. It goes against all we are currently trying to do in space on a mission of peace, but I would share with them the benefits of weapons and military superiority as a way to beat back the tide of King George.

5. You get to take one of them with you- whom? They don’t have to be listed above but do have to be of that time.

James Madison – the author of the US Constitution and a generally deeply intelligent and fascinating man.

6. Lastly, and I know we are at 6 questions… What do you bring to the mission? Are you handy? Are you funny? Maybe you are a super fast thinker on your feet… a la all the stuff that had to be fixed on the fly on Apollo 11. Just real quick again… why did we bring you?

I am a quick thinker, I can easily adaptably lead teams and if I do say so myself I am pretty funny. And I just invented Twister/Corn Hole – a whole new game that would be excellent to play in zero gravity. More on that exciting new American Pastime to come later.

1. Which three celebrities go where on this list?
Kill = Pick a Cadashian
Bang = My deep love of Katie Couric remains strong
Marry = Springsteen

2. Which three celebrities go where on this list?
Gay = Elton John
Dead = Tom Petty 🙁
Canadian = Geddy Lee

3. Which three celebrities go where on this list?
Trump = Kevin Sorbo
Biden = Tom Hanks
Nader = Susan Sarandon

4. Which three celebrities go where on this list?
Townie = John Candy
Coed = Martin Short
Parent = Eugene Levy

5. Which three celebrities go where on this list?
Germany = Gweneth Paltrow
Florida = Jeff Bridges
Scotland =Johnny Depp