thisiswhatyoushalldo

1. What’s the most bizarre/awkward gift you’ve received in your life?

When my Grandma gave all the guys in the family underwear and couldn’t stop talking about them.

2. What is the best NSFW Christmas joke you know?

Why does Mrs. Claus always pray for a white Christmas?

Cause she married to a guy who comes once a year.

3. If Bob Ross was secretly a hitman, what “happy little accidents” would happen to his targets?

It always comes back to those stupid electric scooters downtown.

4. You are a bartender, a guy walks into a bar and asks you for a “Donald Trump”. What do you give him?

A Soy Nog with Sambucco.

5. What’s a store that you and your parents shopped at that doesn’t exist anymore?

LaBelles down in Lakewood.  Remember LaBelles?

1. Have you ever had a vacation ruined by the weather or did you just work around it?

I have had many holiday travel plans stymied by winter weather but it didnn’t ruin the vacation.  I once took a very wet, very rainy roadtrip across most of Europe while sitting in the back of  a Jeep CJ-7 with a leaky roof but I was just 23 or so years old and it was fun (it helped that the hatch back was full of German beer on ice.)

2. What small changes do you feel people could make to give the planet a fighting chance against global warming?

Give up beef and pork. The agri-industry has a terrible record of using waaaay too many resources and creating unnecessary gasses.

3. Are you adversely affect by the weather, such as SAD?

Nah. I was born and raised in a part of the country with very vicious winters that seemed to last forever and as a result it hasn’t phased me.

4. How is the weather where you are and have you seen drastic changes in it during your lifetime?

Rainy and freezing sleet today and bad, cold and wet fall so far.  I’ll be curious to see how this winter plays out.

5. Do you think we can stop global warming or is it too late?

Probably a bit too late.  Read “Eearth” by Bill McKibbbon.  His premise is the game is over and time to make plans on how to exist in the new global climate economy.

1. What crazy-ass thing did your racist uncle just say at Thanksgiving dinner?

Thankfully, Jim doesn’t allow much politics talk and he is not in the least bit of a fan of Trump – so instead of a crazy-ass uncle, we had a discussion about how Trump has develop this entire group of zealots that worship him – and it baffles Jim to the core.

2. What bonkers conspiracy theory has gained traction and drives you nuts?

See above – the belief that Trump was chosen by God to lead the Republicans into eternity.  I am not making this up.  Go over to Right Wing Watch and follow the crazy as they cast a spotlight on the wackadoodle things that Far Right Wing conspiracy driven preachers are spouting on radio/TV and podcasts.

3. What scientific experiment would you run if money and ethics weren’t an issue?

A machine/process to gather all the plastic from the oceans and the landfills and grind them up for fuel and to make building blocks to create affordable housing.  Some of this of course is happening on small scale but if lots of money were in hand this thing could be scaled up to a global level.

4. What’s something everyone loves that you secretly find overrated?

Game of Thrones.  Sorry kids, I tried and tried and tried to watch that show but it just never took.

5. What is the kindest thing a pet has done for you?

Playing to the chorus hear as most of the folks that read this are huge animal lovers.  I think the comfort Julie’s dog and mom’s dog gave while my dad was in hospice care – they had a unique sense of what was going on and were just to be helpful.

1. Oil is found in the moon. What happens next?

Let the space wars begin! It would be China, Europe & the US in a bitter three way. Thankfully though, the moon us made of cheese.

2. A fuel-driven economy is no longer necessary – what would be the first thing to change in such a world where fuel concerns no longer matter?

Goodbye to all that money going to Israel and the middle east. And perhaps a gleaning of world peace.

3. If researchers revealed that it was too late to stop climate change and that we “should’ve turned the car off 20 years ago.”, what would be your reaction?

I ride a train, and I save water. I fill up gas about every 6 weeks. I’d probably be okay with no cars.

4. Crayola is launching a new brand of adult crayons, what are the new names for colors?

Penis Purple. Acne rose, Vomit.

5. What did you do today that would make Mr. Rogers proud?

Smiled and said hello to my bus riding neighbor.