thisiswhatyoushalldo

Marriage Is All In The Family

This was too offbeat not to share with other folks:

English Hillbillies?

Getting Off On The War Effort

I am not pro war. In fact in simpler times and at a younger age I would have filed for some sort of conscientious objector status rather than kill villagers in the desert. I am an honorably discharged veteran of the United States Army, serving in the peace time forces of the 1980s overseas. I have no solutions to offer the world. Saddam Hussein is a very bad man and needs to go away. He does indeed have some chemical and biological weapons and has shown in the past that he is not afraid to use them. With that said, I am scared about what a national doctrine of pre-emptive military action means. It sounds way too much like a state of perpetual war foreseen by George Orwell in “1984.” But now that the war is on and we have soldiers, sailors, marines and pilots out in the desert fighting, I will support them and wish them well. But I feel I have to express my dismay for the war. That is why Masturbate For Peace is such a great cause for me. It can only be seen as a win/win situation. Just trying to do my part.

The Blizzard, The Aftermath

Well, what a storm it was. Home bound for days, the metro area deluged with the biggest storm since 1913 – my job start date moved up a day because all the roads were closed. My sister’s swimming pool that she manages in Lakewood had its roof collapse – causing a ton of problems. And in the middle of all of that our country goes to war against Iraq. The Denver media, of course, went crazy with their own brand of live team coverage. Why is it that every news story in Denver, be it a large blizzard or a kitten stuck in a tree must be covered with a live remote telecast? Can’t anything just be told from a a news desk?

Crunch

Remember this? When I was in the seventh grade, calculators started popping up. What fun they were. You could use them to cheat on math homework, use them to spell out dirty words using inverted numbers, use them to program sounds to disrupt class. Today, only math teachers are really adept at using them, but in the beginning they sure were fun.

And Because It’s A Storm

More shockwave fun for everyone in honor of today’s March Snow Day: A collection of several snow themed events to take the edge off cabin fever. Why does it always snow before pay day and not after?

3-2-1 Penguins

It has been a while since I sent this out. But it has been updated with different scenarios and the overall goal has changed. So, no longer must we put Kevin the Space Penguin into orbit. Instead, toss the duct tape ball into the doom tunnel. Good luck. It is like outerspace mini golf.

Five Pro War Questions
Five Anti War Questions

One last post for a bit on the topic of why war, why now. What do you believe and can you explain, in perhaps a mythical essay test question format, why you support your pro-war or anti-war position.
Taken liberally from the No War Blog.

Point Counter Point Debate

Why We’re Going To War And Why We’ll Keep Going To War

Thomas Barnett is an instructor at the Naval War College and prominent Think Tanker appearing as a talking head all over the airwaves. His recent article in this month’s Esquire magazine lays out probably one of the most plausible reasons why so many have rallied around regime change in Iraq, why Iraq, Iran and North Korea can be considered an “Axis of Evil” and why the strategy of global commerce and world trade dictate where the problem spots in the world are and why we must “aggressively shrink them.” I am not competely on board on going to war – however, in the course of hours, that point will be moot. So now, as a thinking member of a free society, my job is understand why we chose war and to understand how to work to stop war in the future.
“A country’s potential to warrant a U.S. military response is inversely related to its globalization connectivity.”
This piece fills in much of that for me.

The Pentagon’s New Map

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Losing A Popularity Contest With Hussein

pasted from Michael Moore's website. His open letter to GW Bush:

Monday, March 17, 2003

A Letter from Michael Moore to George W. Bush on the Eve of War

George W. Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC

Dear Governor Bush:

So today is what you call “the moment of truth,” the day that “France and the rest of world have to show their cards on the table.” I’m glad to hear that this day has finally arrived. Because, I gotta tell ya, having survived 440 days of your lying and conniving, I wasn’t sure if I could take much more. So I’m glad to hear that today is Truth Day, ’cause I got a few truths I would like to share with you:

1. There is virtually NO ONE in America (talk radio nutters and Fox News aside) who is gung-ho to go to war. Trust me on this one. Walk out of the White House and on to any street in America and try to find five people who are PASSIONATE about wanting to kill Iraqis. YOU WON’T FIND THEM! Why? ‘Cause NO Iraqis have ever come here and killed any of us! No Iraqi has even threatened to do that. You see, this is how we average Americans think: If a certain so-and-so is not perceived as a threat to our lives, then, believe it or not, we don’t want to kill him! Funny how that works!

2. The majority of Americans — the ones who never elected you — are not fooled by your weapons of mass distraction. We know what the real issues are that affect our daily lives — and none of them begin with I or end in Q. Here’s what threatens us: two and a half million jobs lost since you took office, the stock market having become a cruel joke, no one knowing if their retirement funds are going to be there, gas now costs almost two dollars — the list goes on and on. Bombing Iraq will not make any of this go away. Only you need to go away for things to improve.

3. As Bill Maher said last week, how bad do you have to suck to lose a popularity contest with Saddam Hussein? The whole world is against you, Mr. Bush. Count your fellow Americans among them.

4. The Pope has said this war is wrong, that it is a SIN. The Pope! But even worse, the Dixie Chicks have now come out against you! How bad does it have to get before you realize that you are an army of one on this war? Of course, this is a war you personally won’t have to fight. Just like when you went AWOL while the poor were shipped to Vietnam in your place.

5. Of the 535 members of Congress, only ONE (Sen. Johnson of South Dakota) has an enlisted son or daughter in the armed forces! If you really want to stand up for America, please send your twin daughters over to Kuwait right now and let them don their chemical warfare suits. And let’s see every member of Congress with a child of military age also sacrifice their kids for this war effort. What’s that you say? You don’t THINK so? Well, hey, guess what — we don’t think so either!

6. Finally, we love France. Yes, they have pulled some royal screw-ups. Yes, some of them can pretty damn annoying. But have you forgotten we wouldn’t even have this country known as America if it weren’t for the French? That it was their help in the Revolutionary War that won it for us? That our greatest thinkers and founding fathers — Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, etc. — spent many years in Paris where they refined the concepts that lead to our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution? That it was France who gave us our Statue of Liberty, a Frenchman who built the Chevrolet, and a pair of French brothers who invented the movies? And now they are doing what only a good friend can do — tell you the truth about yourself, straight, no b.s. Quit pissing on the French and thank them for getting it right for once. You know, you really should have traveled more (like once) before you took over. Your ignorance of the world has not only made you look stupid, it has painted you into a corner you can’t get out of.

Well, cheer up — there IS good news. If you do go through with this war, more than likely it will be over soon because I’m guessing there aren’t a lot of Iraqis willing to lay down their lives to protect Saddam Hussein. After you “win” the war, you will enjoy a huge bump in the popularity polls as everyone loves a winner — and who doesn’t like to see a good ass-whoopin’ every now and then (especially when it ‘s some third world ass!). So try your best to ride this victory all the way to next year’s election. Of course, that’s still a long ways away, so we’ll all get to have a good hardy-har-har while we watch the economy sink even further down the toilet!

But, hey, who knows — maybe you’ll find Osama a few days before the election! See, start thinking like THAT! Keep hope alive! Kill Iraqis — they got our oil!!

Yours,
Michael Moore

www.michaelmoore.com

I Start Wednesday

Well, drama over, job secured. See below for all the machinations. A drug test on Monday and off I go.