thisiswhatyoushalldo

Do You Know The Way?

So, on Friday, I was to attend a wedding for Kevin Lang, a good friend from Nextel days. I swapped shifts with a guy from work and took Friday and Saturday off in order to attend the wedding and do something for my sister’s birthday on Satuday.
The plan seemed simple enough that it just might work.
But there were ominous signs along the way that the day was doomed.
I started off running a few errands. I needed a mounting post bolt for my camera tripod and decided to hunt down this used camera store that is always advertising on the radio. I looked up the address in the yellow pages and then headed out.
Driving down Hampden into Englewood, I quickly discovered that perhaps this could get sticky. Hampden turns into US 285 and I needed to figure out how to get onto the frontage road.
Voila, a sign pointing me back to Hampden. I took a turn and then a wrong turn and the next thing I know I am lost in the scenic tiny burgh of Sheridan, home to ALL the tow trucks and impound lots in the Denver area, apparently. Up a few blocks, down a few blocks and – Ah ha! my way out – but no, still in Sheridan. I drove north, thinking I would pop out somewhere familiar.
Finally I find a major through street and begin to head west again, hitting Federal. I turn south and wait for about 18 hours at a light as I try to make a left hand turn.
Left hand turns have become like the plague. You try and try to avoid them but eventually, they come around and you must dive in, wait in line and make the turn. They truly are evil.
Anyway, I am finally on West Hampden in Englewood. I get to the camera store, buy my part and for some unknown reason, place my credit card in my shirt pocket and head back home. The ride back was uneventful.
Now it is a few hours later. I try ironing a shirt for the wedding, but the iron is on the fritz and chunks of rust pour out of it, onto a freshly laundered white shirt. Crap. I dig through the closet, find another shirt and take a moment to clean and prep the iron.
Whew. I dress, affixing a new bow tie, polish up the cowboy boots, toss on a western jacket, grab my cowboy hat and head out. Looking like a musician playing in a Mexican Wedding band – a deliberate look to entertain the Bride and Groom.
I decide to pull into the grocery store to get a card and a gift envelope for some wedding dough. Waiting line to check out I realize I don’t have my Visa card – it is in my shirt pocket – Double crap.
I leave the cards and head back out of the store to the car and run home to retrieve my credit card. I am going to need funds for the wedding bar, I was certain.
Now time is short and I must leave for the wedding. I will deal with the card and stuff later.
I drive up Speer Boulevard to the wedding, but in my credit card frenzy, I had left the invitation with the address on the coffee table back home.
I had a general idea of where I was going and had time on my side so I figured I would just wing it.
Another bad traffic move.
Lost in north Denver, dressed like an extra from The Three Amigos , but unable to speak Spanish, I opted to drive around like an old man and just look for the Victorian Bed and Breakfast Mansion and the wedding party.
No luck. Block after block I drove. Finally, with time running out, I pull into to a laundrymat to see if anyone can give me directions. They just stared. I convinced them to loan me a phone book. I would look up the address and be off.
But the Lumber Baron Inn doesn’t list its address in the phone book. Just a phone number. I memorize it and look for a phone.
But in this blue collar, Spanish-speaking neighborhood, the pay phones are few to none.
I wait in line behind some guy on the only phone I can find. Time has run out. I am officially late. I dial and get a message and then some directions and more importantly, all I ever needed, the cross streets.
I am three blocks away.
I get to the wedding, park and walk in. I am now 30 minutes late.
The ceremony is already over. No Catholic wedding this. A few I dos, and they were done.
I was forgiven by the groom and bride and sat to eat. The reception and dancing that followed were uneventful and quite pleasant.
I decide to leave a bit early, as the party is breaking up and going downtown. Knowing my driving record for the day, I decide to leave before I get drunk and real problems follow.
I drive out but am forced at Federal to turn right. The folks up here in this part of town are smart enough to forbid the egregious left hand turn. But that is what I need! I head north and then turn onto 38th and head back to south Denver, thinking I will take Park Ave.instead of Speer and all will be fine.
But I get trapped in traffic and cant’ get into the lane that pours onto Broadway.
Instead I am now continuing down 21st street into the not-so-charming-after-dark Clement Park neighborhood and the housing projects. Lost again I turn around and find my way onto Broadway and finally home.
Many lessons.
1. Take your directions when traveling to a wedding.
2. Perhaps full vintage western garb is not the best outfit to wear when trying to get a stranger to give you directions.
3. Never put your credit card in you shirt pocket.
4. Left hand turns are evil, but often necessary procedures.
5. Maybe I should rethink the decision not to replace my cell phone.

I have gotten lost enough to last a good while.

During any holiday or gift giving season, try and remember to support that star of all stars, Grover, a star among stars, who has had his ups and downs and deserves a little sumpin’ sumpin’ from all his devoted fans from days gone by. A behind the scenes, true Hollywood story of the rise and fall of a Muppet super star. ( Best if you use the VH1 guy’s voice in your head when you read this.)

Are We Missing Something Here?

While the rest of the media tut tuts the New York Times over the Jason Blair non story story, there is some real news that is going unreported. The very fact that Weapons of Mass Destruction (the official reason we went to war in Iraq) can’t be found and the intelligence gathered to make the decision doesn’t exist either may make the Bush arguments and testimonies before Congress, the American people and the world an impeachable offense. Many folks are starting to say so out loud. Nothing will come of it before the 2004 election in November (Congress will cover its own ass before it decides to act on a Constitutional crisis), but it could work to cripple a second term for Bush were he to be re-elected.

Former White House Counsel to Nixon, John Dean, seems to think a case can be made against the current White House administration for impeachment, if no Weapons of Mass Destruction turn up in Iraq.

Bush watcher Paul Krugman seems to think a case for impeachment could be made, but won’t because the media and the public don’t care.

Salon, with its customary flair, has a few articles on the spin doctoring of WMD and how the Bush regime could topple over the issue if the truth ever gets out.

And a search under Google News directory shows that the concern is growing as more and more alternative press stories turn up the heat on this issue.

Supremes Update

Apparently, in what is seen as a signal, the Supreme Court has started setting its agenda for September and thus will probably not have any resignations or retirements during their summer hiatus, surprising many in Washington, some who were eager for a fight over the next Supreme Court Justice.

Tax Relief, Of Sorts

Don’t get too excited by the rumblings in the House of Representatives over the proposed “fix” to the tax bill addressing those low income families left behind on the 2003 tax bill. House Majority Leader Tom Delay (R-TX) will let the the House Ways and Means committee address adding the earned income tax credit to the bill, but not until he has a chance to “fix” some of the bill that the Senate has sent over.
Delay has publicly scolded lawmakers for even considering extending any increase in the earned income tax credit to the lowest wage earners in this country, saying to Democrats, ” If they want the child tax credit, they ought to be able to have it in a package that actually gives tax relief, creates jobs and helps the economy grow,” DeLay said. DeLay supports hundreds of billions of dollars in new tax cuts, but has argued that families that don’t pay taxes shouldn’t get the refundable tax credit.
The Senate revisited the bill last week after taking substantial heat from Democrats and other interest groups when it was discovered the tax bill deliberately left out tax relief to families and 12 million children in the lowest tax brackets.
Delay said the House will look at the Senate’s bill but promises to change it significantly to ensure his vision of substantial tax relief for the highest income brackets stays in place. According to CNN, Delay scolded White House Press Secretary Ari Fleisher, who hinted the White House supports the bill, saying, the last I time I checked, he doesn’t have a vote.”
CNN also reports that DeLay said the House would not take up the Senate bill without changing it.
“It ain’t gonna happen,” he said.
This man makes Newt Gingrich look like Mother Theresa.

Caroline Will Be Mine

I was watching a Conan O’Brian rebroadcast this morning and his guest, Caroline Rhea was one. Apparently sweet, sweet Caroline, America’s Sweet Heart, is single again. She didn’t go through with her wedding (details are sketchy.) I must now pack my bags and move to Hollywood. She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine. And since her show may be cancelled, I will have the time to wine and dine her. If only I had a dime for wine.

Hey Zuess

Hey, I love my sweet baby Jesus as much as the next guy. Heck, there are fully-staffed inflation-proofed industries devoted to the hairy faced divine one. Speaking of hirsute overlords – We don’t talk enough about this gem featured prominently on the Westword homepage (and all the other New Times alternative paper websites).

Jesus Of The Week.

Click around for a while in here, it is great fun for the whole family. Hit refresh and the Jesus of the Moment changes each time. A giggle or two for certain.

Fun And Games

Well, it can’t be politics and missives and shouting all the time. You must rest.
So time to play the exciting game that is spreading across the globe: “Name That Beard.” For Kevin, easier than chess. For Sage, no real facial hair is used in the playing of the game. For Julie, Phil Collins is prominently displayed.

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Who’s Your Vote Going To?

It is getting closer and closer to decision time for Democratic Primaries and utlimately time to play that toughest game of all – who among the Democratic candidates has the best shot and unseating George W. Bush. As frustrated as this president makes me, I really don’t see any of the many having a long term chance against Bush. And granted, it is a little early now to suppose that anyone of them is a favorite or a front runner.
The home page of Democratic Victory has links to all the candidate’s campaign homepages to help voters make a rational choice.
Right now I am swayed by the brave statements of Howard Dean and by John Kerry. Dean, because he openly opposed the war in Iraq and said it out loud. Kerry, because he fought back when the Bush administration tried to paint his unease at the war as unpatriotic. Bush doesn’t want to get into a fight over who has served the country in a time of war with the well-spoken Kerry.
Many Republicans think Sharpton will be a fine candidate. Sorry folks, the New York activist will not get the party nod and it isn’t because he is black. It is because he is a bit too wacky and ready to call conspiracy on every front. Along that front, I don’t think the nation is mature enough yet to elect a Jewish president either, making Lieberman’s chances rather rough, although he is very well versed in the ways of the world and would probalby be a fine balanced reasonable party candidate. It would be great to see Lieberman debate Bush – but then again we said the same thing about Gore and the nation yawned.