The Friday Fives

1. What is the fastest way you’ve seen someone get fired?

At a call center, I managed once, one of the nicest, beloved employees was caught hanging up on customers repeatedly after about three minutes all the time. On the day it was discovered, I called him into my office, and we talked, and he admitted to doing it and had been doing it for a while. I fired him on the spot rather than working with our HR team because once phone agents learn/use this skill, they tend to continue to do it, even after being coached/warned/disciplined. It is kind of like using video game cheat codes. Once you learn them, you can’t, not use them.

2. What’s your favorite movie trivia?

The film “Casablanca” was loosely (very loosely) based on a play. But, in the film, the script was literally being written on the fly – oftentimes minutes before the scene was being shot.

3. What is your favorite book (and why)?

“Moby Dick” I have now read it/listened to it on Audible about five times. It is dynamic, has majestic grandeur, and is a really funny epic tale. Seriously, get it out of your high school hatred of it and read it as a fully developed grown-up, and you will love it.

4. What the fuck do Dee Jayss actually do?

Outside of the world of the algorithm found on streaming music services, Dee Jays provide context, stories, and trivia, a sweet introductory voice to go with their song list sets. I love radio

5. What’s the best stoner food you’ve made?

Make some white rice. My rice maker is a Pyrex casserole dish with a lid, and I nuke it in the microwave. It makes great rice. Then add some butter, a bit of soy sauce, and some nutritional yeast to add some cheesy flavor, and you have some ultimate stoner food that took no effort, just maybe 23 minutes for prep and cooking.

2 Replies to “The Friday Fives”

  1. What is the fastest way you’ve seen someone get fired?

    Oh boy, I’d have to think. I have been managing people, in call centers, for about 25 years. I have seen it all. Wait, I know! And it’s not from me as an employer, but as a fellow employee. Back when I was around 16, I worked at KFC in Phx. One of the guys I worked with was Mike, who was an absolute sweetheart of a guy. You take a LOT of shit working in fast food. People would trash the dining room and toilets just for fun. Potatoes and gravy everywhere. Not cool to clean up for $3.35 an hour (that was minimum wage through the 80s.)

    One day, a customer wanted something we were out of. It would be probably abo ut 15 minutes to backfill, which we were working on. The customer seemed to think we DID have the food in question, and were making some kind of power play. The guy demanded those potatoes. Mike said “well buddy, you are shit out of luck today.” Yeah, he got fired and you know it was worth it. He’s prolly still telling that story today. I wish I remembered his last name, but that was 35 years ago.

    What’s your favorite movie trivia?

    That Spinal Tap is entirely improvised, every single line (along with all Christopher Guest movies)

    What is your favorite book (and why)?

    Alice In Wonderland. Because of how she handles everything. With calmness, kindness, and (most importantly) curiosity. Plus, its origin story is pretty nuts. I can’t even begin to go into my obsession, but if you poke around here you will find probably close to 100 references to this book over my 20 years of writing here.

    What the fuck do DJs actually do?

    I know what they used to do. It was complex. It wasn’t just playing records, or scratching. For one thing, they are reading and setting the mood of the floor. Plus, in mixing records – the transition from one to the other – is matching the beats and tempo between totally disparate songs to make them flow together. And to make that happen in real time, seamlessly. Now, I suspect, they just push play.

    What’s the best stoner food you’ve made?

    Tough to say, for two reasons. 1) Everything I make is like stoner food. Give me a protein, a veggie, and a starch. And whatever is in your fridge or cabinet and I will improvise the best food you have ever had. 2) the other reason its tough to say is because I don’t smoke pot. Point being, I am a really good cook. I am not a chef, I am not papered and have gone to no schools. But I am a great fucking cook, and its really become a passion for me. My newest thing is making fresh pasta and hand rolling it out.

  2. 1) Technically not fired but a guy was in his orientation day when he had an epiphany and walked up to the boss and said, “Yo! This place is bull shit, I’m not working at a bull shit job.” And walked out.

    2) Red Dawn is the first PG-13 movie ever.

    3) an impossible task to pick only one. The most recent that would fit that category closely is Hunting Eichman. It’s an adventure tale with James Bind like action, anxiety and excitement, all in an historical nonfiction book.

    4) Sadly most these days are syndicated crap. They tell lame stories and jokes that only their mothers could find amusing. I think this is o e of those jobs that is becoming obsolete.

    5) Microwave burrito with a slice of American cheese on top.

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