1. What food/drink recipe/thing made you ask “how the heck did humans discover that?”
Alcohol – I mean look back through time – it is pervasive in every culture – Asian, African, Europe, North and South American – Aboriginal natives from the dawn of time realized that soaking plants and foods and letting them rot would make hooch – it baffles the mind. I am no antrhopologist but beer, wine, and liquor all have roots in mead like and ale like native pre industrial experiments in catching a buzz.
2. What is your favorite fruit that is hard to obtain locally?
With the internets and all that, it is pretty easy now to get most anything, but I have searched my beloved Denver and no Mexican restaurant crafts this dish we used to have in my hometown of Craig. There was this place that made crab stuffed chili rellenos – they are simply a dish to die for. And unfortunately you can’t even get them anymore in Craig as that restaurant has closed it’s doors.
3. What are some foods people usually buy pre-made that are worth making at home?
Breakfast – it is so dang easy to knock out a decent breakfast. Egg Benedict with homemade hollandaise sauce is so damn easy to whip up, why pay $15.00 for a sub par version at any eatery.
4. We all know the moon is made of cheese. You now have the ability to permanently engrave anything into the moon, what do you choose?
“Turn on you blinker!” I have this theory that because of Covid lock-down for 18 or so months, everybody has seemed to forgotten how to drive – just the basics seemed to have been lost in our brain clouded heads.
5. What is that meal/food that you were obsessed with as a child?
I had the “sandwich” that I used to make – I would take two Pringles potato crisps and put a piece of iceberg lettuce between them and snack away.
1) Cheese. I mean who thought if I take this milk and add some shit to get it to spoil then press the water out of it I bet it would taste good. Then we can melt it in stuff and it will be glorious.
2) Did you mean food? Cuz there are zero good Mexican food choices I have discovered in Florida. If you actually meant fruit then it’s tough to get good pineapple.
3) A good BLT is not tough to make and you can control the level of crispness of the bacon and the doneness of the toast. You control the delight.
4) Everyone is fighting their own fight, don’t be a cunt!
5) Kraft Mac & cheese!
1. What food/drink recipe/thing made you ask “how the heck did humans discover that?”
Artichokes, which I LOVE. But who looked at that little scary cactus and thought ‘yummy’? That is just the look, if you consider the cooking, its even dumber. Well, boil or steam it for about 45 minutes. Then, there will be about a micro-gram of food at the end of each leaf. But the heart, the heart is good. But getting that nasty ‘choke’ stuff out it makes it a first world food. If you ask me, that is. If I were running across the plans, hungry and hunting, and I saw and artichoke… and even knew what it was and how to prepare it? I would positively not bother. Remember, I LOVE artichokes. But the amount you put in to prepare vs the calories achieved are not worth it.
2. What is your favorite fruit that is hard to obtain locally?
Durian, from Thailand. Mostly because I really enjoyed my own writing on this piece. Here is a sample of me writing about the smell of Durian fruit –
“Want smell-o-vision? Here is what you do. Wear the same socks for a week, day and night, no showering or changing. THEN, at the end of that week,
take a dump in one of those socks. Don’t worry, it’s not as tough as it sounds. Now, leave that dumpy smelly sweaty sock in a hot car for one week.
THEN… take it out, and smear it across your computer screen. Then, read this piece.”
3. What are some foods people usually buy pre-made that are worth making at home?
Just about everything, except pizza. I love pizza, and a homemade pizza is dope. But is it really worth the trouble every time? I submit not. Especially with the insane variety of frozen pizzas available.
4. We all know the moon is made of cheese. You now have the ability to permanently engrave anything into the moon, what do you choose?
The face of Nelson Mandela. And prolly a quote from him. See, Jesus may have died for your sins, but Nelson Mandela lived for them!® (that is a good line, is it not? I have decided to a make believe registered trademark on that)
5. What is that meal/food that you were obsessed with as a child?
Shrimp. Its some kind of forbidden fruit. To me then, and now. And I love it, too. Hmm. It’s 10am on Friday morning, y’all got me starving already.