[Questions this week with the always thoughtful Kevin.]
1. Wanna go to space? I mean, really. I can get you a ticket for 1 year from today. You’ll need to train and stuff. Actually, training for it will be your full-time job for the next year. And… you aren’t going to take selfies and knock out a Plimtpon’s-esque memoir. You are there to work. It will be about a week. 20% chance you don’t come home alive… or ever. *** odds slightly different if Matt Damon is responding. You in?
I have given this a lot of thought. I am a child of the 60s and 70s. I was five years old when we landed on the moon. I had toy astronaut action figures and accessories and was obsessed with Space comic books and sci-fi as a child and teen. As an adult – no I don’t want to go to space. As I age I think I am getting a bit claustrophobic – I need space, not outer space.
2. You are going to space to save mankind? HA. Not exactly. No. But – you may certainly tell your family that. You are going up to.. basically… jiggle an antenna on a broadcast satellite. Not entirely different from what you had to do to get UHF. You still in?
Maybe, if it was more mission-oriented and short-term you could convince me but probably not. Don’t get me wrong, I am still fascinated with the idea of space and studying space, and following NASA missions and sci-fi movies.
3. You get a bring a book and a record. You won’t be leisurely reading, but you get to leave a record and a book behind in space. What book and record?
“Moby Dick” is a nearly perfect book that all of the universe needs to read. Album, John Prine’s “Great Days – a compilation” because he represents the best of mankind.
4. You get to go back in time to the constitutional congress, late 1700’s, NE United States (er… what will be NE United States). You are with all these luminaries – Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Lin Manuel Miranda… you have about a paragraph to explain to them your mission. Ideally, you might touch on – the future, jet airplanes, outer space, television, and cell phones. Yes, television needs to be on the list, it’s why you are going to space. Think of it this way… you need their funding. You have to sell them on the whole idea.
This will be a pickle trying to explain the value of what is to be had exploring the heavens the home of The Lord when the British are still giving them such a pickle. It goes against all we are currently trying to do in space on a mission of peace, but I would share with them the benefits of weapons and military superiority as a way to beat back the tide of King George.
5. You get to take one of them with you- whom? They don’t have to be listed above but do have to be of that time.
James Madison – the author of the US Constitution and a generally deeply intelligent and fascinating man.
6. Lastly, and I know we are at 6 questions… What do you bring to the mission? Are you handy? Are you funny? Maybe you are a super fast thinker on your feet… a la all the stuff that had to be fixed on the fly on Apollo 11. Just real quick again… why did we bring you?
I am a quick thinker, I can easily adaptably lead teams and if I do say so myself I am pretty funny. And I just invented Twister/Corn Hole – a whole new game that would be excellent to play in zero gravity. More on that exciting new American Pastime to come later.
Wanna to go space? I mean, really. I can get you a ticket for 1 year from today. You’ll need to train and stuff. Actually, training for it will be your full time job for the next year. And… you aren’t going to take selfies and knock out a Plimtpon’s-esque memoir. You are there to work. It will be about a week. 20% chance you don’t come home alive… or ever. *** odds slightly different if Matt Damon is responding. You in?
Yeah, just for the adventure. Why not? Either way, in 50 years I’ll be dead. May as well have a cool adventure and a good story to tell.
You are going to space to save mankind? HA. Not exactly. No. But – you may certainly tell your family that. You are going up to.. basically… jiggle an antenna on a broadcast satellite. Not entirely different from what you had to do to get UHF. You still in?
Yeah, for reasons listed above. Now… why do you keep dissuading me with all of these qualifiers. It seems pretty clear you have info you are not sharing with me.
You get a bring a book and a record. You won’t be leisure reading, but you get to leave a record and a book behind in space. What book and record?
Since I won’t have time to read or listen, I assume this is a symbolic gesture? And I think I can safely assume that, since I am the author of these questions. Normally, I do not write these questions. I feel it would be disingenuous to throw myself questions to make me sound more interesting, or to get a point across. The questions are, and always have been, written by my blogging mentor, Roy. Aka, Majikwah. Check him out here.
That being said, the book of course would be Alice in Wonderland. The music? One record? One chance to explain and justify the entire human experience? I would have to go with Van Morrison’s ‘Moondance’. Let’s just take a minute and enjoy ‘Into the Mystic’. Does this single song actually validate all of human existence? Yes it does. When they put on us trial for all of the horribleness we have done to the planet and other living things. And when they say “give me one reason why all of humans should not be destroyed! Your Green Holiness, I submit this into evidence
You get to go back in time to the constitutional congress, late 1700’s, NE United States (er… what will be NE United States). You are with all these luminaries – Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Lin Manuel Miranda… Think of it this way… you need their funding. You have to sell them on the whole idea.
Ok, I am going to need you guys to just believe me for a few minutes. This is really important. Look up in the sky, see those stars? Not sure what you call it in your time, but we call it ‘space’, or ‘outer space’. In the future, we have the ability to go there. In fact, in just the last week we had to rich guys self fund and build their own rocketships and they went to space. Good question, it is 62 miles up. That is why you aren’t in Earth anymore, and you can see it, instead. So, we go to space. We have, a bunch, already. On this one, I need your permission and some funding. Let’s get some of the obvious questions out of the way. We are not going up to make alien contact.
We are not going up to make peace with other nations. We tried that before, working from space as a tactical advantage. It didn’t really work, because whatever we could do from space, our enemies could as well. that, coupled with how stupid expensive it is to go up there. it wasn’t worth the trouble. its not like we can just go up for fun between lunch and dinner… yet. it still takes a few years of planning and building each time we go up.
We are not going up to acquire life sustaining resources. Mostly, we go up there for TV. See, we get TV, which is when portable plays and dramas are sent to you home via technology. TV is when a play comes to your house. Yeah, well… we get our TV mostly from space now. Why? No good reason, actually. We can also make tv on Earth and send these plays to people’s homes. But, its cooler if we do it from space. You get more channels? Channels? Um… choices of plays. Think of it that way. If we stick to earth, you can only get about 200 different plays that are remotely sent to your home. The actual plays are being performed miles away. BUT… if we send these plays and dramas and comedies from space? Yeah, you can get around 1200 of them whenever you want. Even live.
You get to take one of them with you- whom? They don’t have to be listed above, but do have to be of that time.
Easy, Ben Franklin. I think he was the most advanced mind of the whole group. If anyone could get the idea of space travel 200 years ago, it would be Ben Franklin. He was also a prolific inventor, so I would like to spark his mind and imagination.
a close second would be Thomas Jefferson. Did you know he re-wrote and re-published the friggin’ Bible? He took out all the mystical stuff – walking on water, resurrection, stuff like that. He just kept the parables and messages. Which is what the bible is for. I super respect that he did it. Remember, just logistically speaking, the bible is not the word of Jesus. No one took pen to paper to tell that story for at least 300 years after Jesus died.
Plus, anything that wasn’t already agreed upon by the existing power structure was edited out of all bibles. Seriously, google the ‘Council of Nicea‘. its when leaders from around the world gathered in one place… i think it was about 1200 AD… and make every bible and bible story match. (Ed Note to self. it was 325 AD)> A la the ‘Satanic Verses’, what we are left with is the censored version. Everything after that was banned. This is why the Dead Sea Scrolls were such a big deal. They think they found some of the earlier and original writings and stories that weren’t omitted and censured by the Council of Nicea.
lastly, and I know we are at 6 questions… What do you bring to the mission? Are you handy? Are you funny? Maybe you are super fast thinker on your feet… a la all the stuff that had to fixed on the fly on Apollo 11. Just real quick again… why did we bring you?
Um… I am funny. I am a good writer, and a pretty good cook. I can help identify and organize the talents we have up there. you will need… not necessarily governance (at first), but leadership. You need someone who can be a boss, but not be a dick. Someone who can lead others naturally, not through force or intimidation… but through example and initiative. Are you going to let Nathan run things up there? I know, I know… he is great with engines and math. He totally gets to go. Nathan is a dick, though. Nobody wants to work, or for, Nathan. Who handles Nathan, and all the Nathan’s of outer space? Me.
You need a middle manager in outer space who can also play James Taylor and Metallica songs in space. Plus, and I don’t want to pull rank here. This is about ‘team’. But my mom built this spaceship so you kinda gotta let me go.
1) Naw, I’m good. I get motion sick on earth I can’t imagine how motion sickness I’d feel in space.
2) Nope, I got cable.
3) Book: Where the Red Fern Grows
Album: Simon & Garfunkel: Concert In Central Park
4) I skip that space BS and plant a secret for my you her self in the future to “find”.
5) Martha Washington
6) If, and that’s a big if, I go it’s more than likely I’ll be there for medical emergencies. That’s my jam.