1. To the people who don’t slap the big sacks of rice at the grocery store – why don’t you slap the big sacks of rice at the grocery store?
The rice bags are there for the taking. Don’t believe me? Go to a big Asian grocery store and find the rice section. There you will find a big sack of rice. Take a few seconds to get your breath after your amazement at what you have beheld, then, just smack away. No need to look around to see if anyone is watching – they are either waiting to smack or are in a state of post slap bliss.
2. To the people that don’t give the tongs a couple of test claps before using them – why don’t you give the tongs a couple of test claps before using them?
This is the lobster game. You pull the tongs out of the utensil bin/canister/crock and snap away. It is best done while making sounds as if you are a lobster.
3. To the people that don’t give the gas nozzle an extra one or two pumps on the handle – why don’t you give the gas nozzle an extra one or two pumps on the handle?
To paraphrase Sting – every drop you pump, every fume you make . . .
4. To the people who carefully unwrap all of their presents on Christmas morning to preserve the wrapping paper – Why do you carefully unwrap all of their presents on Christmas morning to preserve the wrapping paper?
It’s all going into the bin by noon – no, you are not going to reuse it next year. Sure you tell yourself you are going to reuse it next year but let’s face facts. You have never reused it next year. That is something your grandmother did and she is dead and the tradition is over.
5. To the people who put used tea bags and coffee stirring sticks down the garbage disposal at work- why do you put used tea bags and coffee stirring sticks down the garbage disposal at work?
You have no clue how plumping works. Please, stay home and wreck havoc on your own plumbing – you are the reason we cannot have nice things.
1) As a you g man I smacked a big bag of rice. Said bag proceeded to tear and expel rice everywhere. I was horrified that I had been seen slapping the rice outta the sack! So I quickly walked away and haven’t slapped a big old sack of rice since.
2) I believe they don’t do it out of either fear or arrogance.
3) They are burdensome rule followers and read once that topping off is harmful to the environment. So they don’t do it. Little do they know that’s bull shit.
4) Cuz they’re a cheap sunnuva bitch! Expect your presents on your birthday to be wrapped in recycled Christmas wrapping paper.
5) Be abuse they grew up in a fucking shed with no running water. They are ignorant heathens and should be publicly mocked!