1. You get to make one law that goes into effect no matter how outrageous. What is it?
Tie Tuesday. Everyone has to dress up in their “Sunday Best” to work or where ever on Tuesday. One day a week we dress like Doris Day and Carey Grant. Not a bad thing, not at all.
2. You get to host your own TV talk show. Who are your first three guests?
1. David Letterman
2. Author and Colorado School of Mines graduate George Saunders
3. Bruce Springsteen as musical guest
I will not take a moment to defend any of these as this list is perfection.
3. You get to choose the actor to portray you in the movie made of your life. Who do you cast?
I have vacillated over this for a bit. It is either Dick Van Dyke or Bill Murray. Hmmm. I am going with Bill. He is my fashion idol. Now, if this has to be a contemporary actor (or even younger!) maybe Seth Myers?
4. You just got arrested for murder in the middle of the night while you were in bed. They say you killed a mailman on March 10, 2019. How do you prove your innocence?
I can definitively show that no one entered or left my home on March 10 in the evening. At that time I was unemployed and semi-permanently ensconced on my couch. Here is my web traffic and phone GPS traffic. I ain’t been nowhere, man.
5. You have unlimited resources and seven days to end the world in the most creative way possible. How would you do it?
I would meld the personas of Q from Star Trek (TNG) and the Stay Puft Marshmallow man and let him wreak his havoc.
1) Voting in national elections is mandatory.
2) Will Farrell
Morgan Freeman
Musical guest Christie Moore
3) Daniel Craig
4) March 10 was a Sunday night. Having worked the night shift Thursday-Saturday I forced myself to wake and study, I’m generally unconscious asleep by 20:00.
5) I would build a giant laser and melt the polar ice caps in seconds causing the oceans to rise in an instant creating tsunamis that flood the entire continents and then leave the laser on so it heats the core until the earth pops like popcorn!
1) Mandatory weekly technology relief day. Where all cell towers and internet service is suspended for the day. Sort of like car dealers don’t open on Sunday and liquor stores used to be closed on Sundays.
2) Jesus, Satan, Eve.
3) Jack Black
4) Ummm, trick questions don’t work on me. It’s Sunday and mail people don’t deliver mail on Sunday. So any mailman that was out and clearly in mailman gear and clearly acting like a mailman and snooping around my house (i.e. looking in my mailbox or such) would clearly be up to deadly malfeasance, so the “Make my day” law would be upheld and thus, it was not murder, but self defense from the dastardly and evil mailman criminal.
5) Change all foods to actually be made of food-flavored plastic, which would quickly decimate the population, but not the world. Which would be a better use of the unlimited resources…as the world did nuttin’ wrong.