1. If you were given $5.7 billion, how would you spend the money?
Well, I wouldn’t build a wall! Maybe use it to re-boot and redesign the American health care system which is broken in multiple ways. Does anyone remember the blissful days when insurance companies were non-profit mutual insurance coops and hospitals were affordable and not overbuilt castles? Throwing a bit of $5 billion around to some politicians could probably get this thing started.
2. Does five-year-old you respect you today?
Probably not. I was supposed to end up like Rob Petry on the Dick Van Dyke show and be a professional television comedy writer.
3. What do you do now that you didn’t do five years ago?
I eat pretty cleanly and mostly vegetarian.
4. Same thing in reverse, what do you no longer do that you did five years ago?
Relatedly, I don’t eat fast food – there was a time when I ate lots and lots and lots of fast food, usually daily. Ask my heart how that went.
5. What’s the best activity you can do that costs less than $5?
Read a book from the library. Seriously people, we need to get back to reading.
1. While that is indeed a ton of money, it isn’t enough to do anything structurally significant to the US economy. Looking for a more discrete problem, I’ve always thought that if I were to devote myself to charity, it would be to improve mental health access and outcomes in rural America–especially for males.
2. Five year old me was mostly worried about wearing matching pantsuits and not getting into trouble in kindergarten. I think he thought he’d be a cowboy fireman. Clearly, that kid didn’t realize how exhausting it is to become a cowboy fireman, let alone to do it every day.
3. Cringe when looking into a mirror. I have some new physical scars that are hard to face.
4. I was into heavy weight training five years ago, not knowing that the one muscle I was accidentally growing was my heart. I had to really back off from that.
5. Five. Five dollar footlong.
1) I would do all sorts of things for various charities. I’d like to set up a campership fund so kids that otherwise wouldn’t have a chance to go to summer camp. A large donation to St. Jude’s, you get the idea.
2) 5 year old me doesn’t even recognize me.
3) Fucking school, school and more school.
4) Read for fun. I have been culminating a list of books I want to read but just have no time to do so. Someday, someday you fun books.
5) Cup of coffee and sit in a park people watching.