Friday Fives

Today’s questions are all taken from Blogger’s random question section of the user profile. Thank you, Blogger.

1. All of the phone numbers have fallen out of your address book. Whose number do you look for first and why?
I hate memorizing phone numbers and as a result I barely know anyones. I guess the first number I need is my mother’s. She recently moved and I have to look up her number every time. The next number would be either Julz or Sage to get everybody else’s. Anything else I can look up at work using Black Book

2. Your bow is not broken but you’ve run out of arrows. How can you fake being a bard?
How very Plutarch meets Shakespeare! Okay, the way to be the bard when the quiver runs dry is to always rely on strong verbs and complex noun specific phrases and shy away from adverbs whenever possible. Oh, yeah, be sure and talk about love a lot.

3. What would you name your ballet inspired by the sight of children leaping through a garden sprinkler?
Dance of stubbed toe fairy. Everytime I played the run-through-the-hose-and-sprinklers game as a child, I tended to injure myself, usually by cutting my foot or stubbing my toe on the sprinkler.

4. The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig:
Onapoatima – there was a bald frog with a tremendously bad wig. The village quietly referred to the frog as Wilma. Each day, Wilma would place the wig upon her head do a little dance for the village in order take food home to her family. Then the President came to down and stepped on the frog and she died. The end.

5. Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go:
I think it is best to run the apple under some warm water to loosen the skin, then using a paring knife begin a spirally peel from the top down. Having said that, I have never tried it, so just go ahead and knock yourself out. Who the hell peels apples these days anyway? What’s the deal, you got a mouth full of dentures of something?

2 Replies to “Friday Fives”

  1. 1. Since the invention of the digital phonebook, I have become number-stupid. I used to pride myself on knowing EVERYONE’S phone numbers by heart. Now, if I lost my phone list, I’d have to call the few numbers I still remember to get the missing pieces. Roy’s home, Ed’s home, Jenn’s home and, thankfully, my own home are really the only ones I can recall by memory anymore.
    2. Why would I want to fake being a bard? You all KNOW how I fear facial hair..
    3. Of one thing I am certain.. I am no choreographer.
    4. “The bald frog with the wig can turn itself into a hideous creature and lie in wait beneath your bed to bite your feet off should you do something bad or make Mommy cross. The end. G’night, kids!”
    5. The peel is where the vitamins are, so I’ve never understood the need to make an apple naked. Although if I HAD to peel it in one go, I’d probably skip down to Sur La Table and find a “Peel It In One Go” gadget. Done.

  2. 1. I donÂ’t really have a phone book, but I guess the number I have to look up the most is RW and MJÂ’s. For some reason I can never remember that one.

    2. Fake bard: Whenever I’m pretending to be a “Barb,” I rarely carry sporting equipment. Instead, I accessorize with a simple Coach bag, and maybe a string of pearls.

    3. Ballet:
    Chemlawn Divertimento.

    4. Frog/Wig:
    There once was a sad bald frog, who dreamed of becoming a fake Barb. So he dawned a wig, a simple Coach bag and string of pearls, and croaked defiantly, “From this point forward, I shall be known as Barb.” The other frogs were surprisingly accepting of diversity. Barb went to the mall. The end.

    5. Peeling Apples: I like to slip the apples in a vat of liquid nitrogen for about three seconds. Then, wearing thick gloves, I remove them from the vat, and gently tap them with a meat tenderizer.

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