1. What do people take way too seriously?
Religion and politics are easy but there is also Star Wars. I have a good number of co workers who are quite obsessed with Star Wars and the Lucas-Universe.
2. Congratulations! Your pet can now text. What texts might you receive the most from your pet?
“Shit, hey, I gotta go outside and Shit.” “You know what I need to take a shit. “You, hey you, can I go outside and shit?” with the added text of “Hey, are you going to feed me?”
3. What does the last text message you sent say?
“I am off to the store to get some Geritol and some prunes. Do you need anyth . . .”
4. What inanimate objects are sworn enemies of each other?
Car lanes and the blinker switch. They are sworn to work in juxtaposition to each other.
5. Biggest cooking fuck-up you have ever made?
Early on in my cooking career, just out of the Army and having lived in the barracks and had all my meals prepared for me, I was now living alone and responsible for all my meals. I took out a cookbook to make Texas chili. The recipe called for 4-5 cloves of garlic, but I was a noob, so I tossed in 5 full heads of garlic. Wow – was that a big old pan of garlic stew. I couldn’t taste the beef, the tomatoes or chili powder – just garlic. If I wasn’t a poor college student I probably wouldn’t have eaten it. But, alas. . . every drop.
I didn’t get a cold that year, that was for certain.
1) Humor. But, alas, it is used sometimes to veil deep-seated fucked up shit.
2) Please! Please keep those devil children away from me! I’ll DO ANYTHING…
3) Coming?
4) dryers and socks…duh. The dryers are winning the war.
5) Hotdog divan, which is a delightful dish made of hotdogs, cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, broccoli and thick white sauce. I thought, “Hey, a healthy change would be tofu hotdogs and some wacky natural cheese substitute.” Ass crackers taste better than the crock of shit I made.
1. Their jobs. I’ve never understood people who cannot differentiate between their lives, and their professions. Work/life balance is a real thing people.
2. Hey Dad. I’m hungry. Hey Dad, I just shit in a box. Hey Dad, can I have dinner early today? Hey Dad, brush me. Hey Dad, if you need me I’ll be asleep under your desk.
3. We had considered B&B or Tavern Lowry. Not sold on either.
4. Cat hair and vacuum cleaners. I’m doomed to go through life with my possessions covered in fur.
5. I’ve made a few doozies over the years, but the one I get chastised the most for was making a pumpkin pie and failing to put sugar in it. My family never remembers my successes . . . .
1) sports teams. If you reference a team as WE, you are part of the problem.
2) treats? Treats? Treats? Treats? Treats?……..
3) game on. Time to line up. I’ll save you a spot.
4) pint glasses and tile floors. So far it’s been a very one sided battle.
5) made a beef stew once that had ten times the black pepper it should have. It was horridly to much pepper.