Wacky Friday Fotos

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  1. Jeremiah James (21, white, single) was found dead in his home after masturbating so furiously that he burst into flames. This photo was taken moments before the actual masturbation began. (See photo; the guilty right arm.) Clearly, the photo tells us that Jeremiah James was feeling confident and perhaps even sexy before unintentionally killing himself through Furious Masturbation Immolation, otherwise known in masturbation circles as FMI. (Not to be confused with MFP, otherwise known in dentistry—and masturbation circles—as Maximum Fluoride Protection.) FMI is occurring more frequently in white suburban neighborhoods east of Milwaukee and the National Institute of Health is concerned that it might turn into an epidemic of young, white erect penile proportions.

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