Month: May 2017

Birthday Blues

1. What is your earliest birthday memories?
I remember one from around my fourth year at my grandmother’s house in Craig over on Stout Street. I remember the cake and opening presents and a room of people. I don’t recall any gifts I received.

2. What was your favorite birthday memory?
I think I was nine or ten when my parents bought me a bike, that was pretty special. And although it wasn’t on my birthday proper, when I turned 50 I went to the Kentucky Derby in Louisville and that was pretty great.

3. What was your worst birthday memory?
Not certain. I guess the first one away from home while I was in the army. I was in training, just out of boot camp when I turned 21. In order to get a weekend pass, I had to do something like 100 push ups and sits ups and run some sprints. I was exhausted. I celebrated in the lounge of a local Holiday Inn in Columbia, South Carolina.

4. Have you ever done something unique for someone’s birthday?
We threw my father a pretty great birthday for his 50th. I have never really planned a surprise birthday party or anything like that.

5. Have you lied about your age?
Today is the 16th anniversary of my 37th birthday – does a ruse like that count? Otherwise, no, I am not too caught up in hiding my age.

1. What should be optional instead of required?
For no particular reason, I think of some really crazy HOA rules (I don’t even belong to an HOA, but the horror stories are stuff of legend.) Things like required trash can models or the color of your house, etc. . . it should always be optional.

2. What is a word or phrase that instantly makes your cringe?
Irregardless. I know it is an ancient word and listed in the dictuionary, but it is wholly unnecessary and often even miss used. The word is Regardless, that is all that is needed.

3. What two professions should never be combined?
Dentist and auto body technician. That, sir, is the wrong jackhammer for the job.

4. What song is currently on loop in your head?
“He’s so vain” by Carly Simon. And worse yet, I don’t have all the words in my mind, so not only endless loop but generally just the part of the chorus that I know.

5. What’s your theory on how the moon was formed?
When Trump looked up at the empty sky, he created the moon out of strands of his hair. Tossed into the wind on a wish and a prayer – we all now look at it and can’t stop thinking of the 45th resident of the Whitehouse.

1. What is the weirdest rumor you heard about yourself in high school?
That I once was a Navy SEAL. Overheard at work at a coffee station. First, I wasn’t in the Navy and second, I had a sweet Army desk job and even dropped out of jump school – I wasn’t even a paratrooper, much less a Navy SEAL. But I just let that rumor stick.

2. What’s the weirdest thing a complete stranger has said to you?
There have been some odd folks on the bus for sure and Bernstein will probably win this one, but I would say it was a cute little lady sitting in my cardiologist’s waiting room, and she leaned over to tell that bears were getting a lot closer this year. That’s it, just that little nugget for me to consider. My name was called and I went into my doctor’s office and I never saw her again, and boy did I have a few follow-up questions.

3. What’s the weirdest corner of the internet?
Either 4chan or reddit/r/195

4. What’s the weirdest thing about America that American’s secretly acknowledge?
Our obsession with our broken political system. We all know it is broke but are taking no steps to change and instead just watch the trainwreck in progress.

5. What’s the weirdest lie your family elders ever told you
My parents were always very upfront and honest with me, so no quarrel there. But the oddest was from Dear Uncle Don and the events leading up to his arrest and conviction for child molestation. I won’t go into all the details, as they are too sad to repeat, but Don’s version of the events was nothing like what came out in court. It was a fanciful tale, told by a drunk and involved summer teen fashions.

1. What industry today will most likely be the next “boom”?
Self-driving electric cars. I loves me some robots. I have a robot vacuum cleaner and it has changed my life. Why not keep the party going and go to self-driving cars and other appliances.

2. What industry today will most likely be the next “bust”?
Commercial real estate and apartment rentals. Folks ain’t buying houses and overbuilding of apartment complexes won’t end well.

3. What is the next food trend?
Replace the gluten-free craze and go in the absolute opposite direction and go with nothing but gluten, all day long.

4. What the Hell has happened to Denver?
Seriously, I looked up a few months ago and this place is full – where are they coming from (all over), what are they doing (tech, restaurants, weed.) And the growth is pricing everyone out of the market. Denver, the hipsterville of the mountain west.

5. Without Googling what do you know about Cinco De Mayo?
It commemorates the winning of a battle against the French, is my recollection. And they won because they had fresh margaritas with chips and salsa.