Friday Fives

1. What should be optional instead of required?
For no particular reason, I think of some really crazy HOA rules (I don’t even belong to an HOA, but the horror stories are stuff of legend.) Things like required trash can models or the color of your house, etc. . . it should always be optional.

2. What is a word or phrase that instantly makes your cringe?
Irregardless. I know it is an ancient word and listed in the dictuionary, but it is wholly unnecessary and often even miss used. The word is Regardless, that is all that is needed.

3. What two professions should never be combined?
Dentist and auto body technician. That, sir, is the wrong jackhammer for the job.

4. What song is currently on loop in your head?
“He’s so vain” by Carly Simon. And worse yet, I don’t have all the words in my mind, so not only endless loop but generally just the part of the chorus that I know.

5. What’s your theory on how the moon was formed?
When Trump looked up at the empty sky, he created the moon out of strands of his hair. Tossed into the wind on a wish and a prayer – we all now look at it and can’t stop thinking of the 45th resident of the Whitehouse.

Friday Fives

1. What is the weirdest rumor you heard about yourself in high school?
That I once was a Navy SEAL. Overheard at work at a coffee station. First, I wasn’t in the Navy and second, I had a sweet Army desk job and even dropped out of jump school – I wasn’t even a paratrooper, much less a Navy SEAL. But I just let that rumor stick.

2. What’s the weirdest thing a complete stranger has said to you?
There have been some odd folks on the bus for sure and Bernstein will probably win this one, but I would say it was a cute little lady sitting in my cardiologist’s waiting room, and she leaned over to tell that bears were getting a lot closer this year. That’s it, just that little nugget for me to consider. My name was called and I went into my doctor’s office and I never saw her again, and boy did I have a few follow-up questions.

3. What’s the weirdest corner of the internet?
Either 4chan or reddit/r/195

4. What’s the weirdest thing about America that American’s secretly acknowledge?
Our obsession with our broken political system. We all know it is broke but are taking no steps to change and instead just watch the trainwreck in progress.

5. What’s the weirdest lie your family elders ever told you
My parents were always very upfront and honest with me, so no quarrel there. But the oddest was from Dear Uncle Don and the events leading up to his arrest and conviction for child molestation. I won’t go into all the details, as they are too sad to repeat, but Don’s version of the events was nothing like what came out in court. It was a fanciful tale, told by a drunk and involved summer teen fashions.

Friday Fives

1. What industry today will most likely be the next “boom”?
Self-driving electric cars. I loves me some robots. I have a robot vacuum cleaner and it has changed my life. Why not keep the party going and go to self-driving cars and other appliances.

2. What industry today will most likely be the next “bust”?
Commercial real estate and apartment rentals. Folks ain’t buying houses and overbuilding of apartment complexes won’t end well.

3. What is the next food trend?
Replace the gluten-free craze and go in the absolute opposite direction and go with nothing but gluten, all day long.

4. What the Hell has happened to Denver?
Seriously, I looked up a few months ago and this place is full – where are they coming from (all over), what are they doing (tech, restaurants, weed.) And the growth is pricing everyone out of the market. Denver, the hipsterville of the mountain west.

5. Without Googling what do you know about Cinco De Mayo?
It commemorates the winning of a battle against the French, is my recollection. And they won because they had fresh margaritas with chips and salsa.

Friday Fives

1. Do you like traveling or are you counting the minutes until the transporter is perfected?

Yes, but saying that I rarely do it. I agree with the premise of the question – if the transporter were ever invented, I would certainly be inclined to lots more instant travel.

2. If you could visit any country in the world right now, where would you go?

I want to go to either Finland (for no reason I can really call upon, perhaps the amazing scenery) and/or Tokyo, Japan, because that place is just so darn weird.

3. What is your favorite form of travel?

I love driving and I am a very patient driving. I also like flying and in a weird way, I also like airports, which is odd because they aren’t really created to be enjoyed so much as utilitarian.

4. What is the longest vacation/holiday that you’ve ever been on?

As a child, we took a weeklong drive across the midwest to see some friends in Minnesota. As a grown up, it was probably a four-day trip I took to the coast of Spain while I was stationed in Germany.

5. Would you travel for a living?

I thought about it and I have taken a few business trips but I think the luster would be gone if I had to do it a lot. I have a friend who travels almost every week and watching her comings and goings on Facebook is exhausting.

Friday Fives

1. Someone brings you a box full of everything you have ever lost, but you can only take three items. What do you take?
1. My class ring (It was lost somewhere in my mother’s car so many years ago)
2. My Army ID card. It was in a scrapbook and probably fell out during a move somewhere.)
3. My original GI Joe.

2. The last thing you purchased is now illegal to own. What is it?
Beer! For God’s sake people, don’t make it so.

3. What is the best accent and why?
British, and perhaps Cuban. Sultry all around.

4. You are thrown back in time 200 years, and need to prove the local authorities that you are highly educated. What do you do?

5. What is the best thing you have seen thrown out
Eric Kanter.

Friday Fives

1. What’s a little daily annoyance you wish science would have solved by now?
A universal remote that is really universal – works on ALL your appliances, your car, the door to your house, your garage. Make it a phone app and carry it with you everywhere – Bang! I just invented the modern day tricorder.

2. What’s your best eavesdropping story?
Wheww. So many. Sitting at a tavern bar and listening into conversations can be quite entertaining. I overheard a grouchy patron (Father Angelo is his code name) denouncing the guy who got kicked off the United plane. He said, “That Vietnamese loser Dr., they should have waited until the plane was in the air to kick him out.” His wife was with him and she was a bit shocked at the venom. But then again, I have never seen that many happy.

3. What small items make a camping/tailgating/picnicking experience much better?
A rug, mat on the floor of your tent or your picnic area can really raise the comfort level to that of civilized.

4. What is the longest amount of time you’ve stayed awake?
In the army once, during an operation/maneuver drill, I was up for nearly 30 hours and still driving down the autobahn. Those officers I was hauling around were rightly quite concerned.

5. What do you think happened when you see one shoe on the road?
I usually assume it was lost during someone moving between homes or apartments. But I do enjoy playing a more creative back story game. For fun, go to twitter and follow Tom Hanks – he posts pictures of single shoes or gloves that he comes upon (as well as odd cars that he claims he just bought ) It is actually a pretty funny follow.

Friday Fives

It’s Spring, what’s your thing?

1.Spring cleaning – got a big cleaning coming up? Any cleaning you do seasonally?
Lots of big cleaning coming up. I have two piles going, one for the thrift store, one to take out to the garage for storage. I think a big move of some sort is in the future so I am working on jettisoning cargo.

2. Baseball – juiced up overpaid meatheads? Or, America’s past time?
Certainly my past time. I enjoy watching baseball on television. Some people say that baseball was invented as a way to enjoy HDTV (Well not really people say, so much as I say.) Much like knowing the ins and outs of football (coverage, defensive plays, time clock management and all of that), baseball has a strategy and a pace all its own. Why did he use that pitch, how is the batter going to bunt, wasn’t that an athletic play out in left field. Its all in the game. And in our instant gratification world where we must have constant affirmation of our interests at all times, there is a peaceful and bucolic bliss in watching a baseball game.

3. Council of Nicea – a unifying summit of godly goodness? Or the greatest cover-up of all time? Defend your answers, and show your work.

I barely know what this is but I think it had something to do with the beginning of the Christian church.

4. Jesus – God’s resurrected son who walked out of that crypt, or charismatic leader and mortal who sadly did die that day on the cross?
I am a spiritual person, but really a religious person. I like the whole idea of Christianity but the way they are playing the modern game, I think most adherents have missed the message. There is some beautiful wisdom in the teachings of Christ, and of Buddha and of Muhammed – the path I walk is to take the best of all of these words and live a good life.

5 Tony Romo- was he great? Could he have been? Would you keep him, if you knew you could protect him?
Let him go. Denver does not need another geriatric used quarterback. Lono is obsessed with Romo thing. I am starting to worry.

Friday Fives

1. What’s one popular TV show you just refuse to watch and why?
Celebrity Apprentice. Never watched it before the crowning of the Orange Clown and won’t watch it now.

2. What’s one of your favorite movies that is overlooked and not praised enough?
It’s silly and sappy but I love love love “Creator”, starring Peter O’Toole. It is one of his most accessible roles and a fun romp.

3. What movie would be vastly improved by replacing the protagonist with a killer robot?
“LaLa Land.” The world is ready for dancing robots.

4. What actor or actress will only be remembered for a single role they played?
Joel Gray from “Cabaret”

5. What was the most cringeworthy acting performance in a movie/TV show?
Donald Trump in “Home Alone 2”

Friday Fives

1. Are zombies people too?
The greater question is are they covered under the rights and guarantees of the U.S. constitution? I say no, they are not. Much like rats, they are a plague on our soul. Speaking of “Rats,” Morgan Spurlock has a really great, really creepy documentary about rats and their history, plight and various cultures attempt’s to control them – find it online somewhere and watch it.

2. Should there be an order banning zombies from any immigration?
Well, I think it is easier than this. Instead of building an immigrant wall, we should build a zombie moat along our northern and southern borders. Zombies can’t swim and so then Bam! this is solved without a zombie ban law.

3. Should healthcare reform cover undead chain saw wounds?

4. Can pets become zombies too?
This is an interesting vein of debate. Zombies seek out human brains to eat. Dogs and cats are therefore not prey to zombies as they don’t have human brains. So, I theorize, that no don’t become zombies because they aren’t their prey.

5. Which favorite celebrity would make the best zombie?
Sean Spicer, but instead of brains, he would be seeking out gum.

Friday Fives

1. What stops being cute after the age of 13?
Bed Wetting

2. What is something you hilariously misinterpreted as a kid?
I used to think that Holland and the Netherlands were different places. Hell is worse than that – I didn’t realize this misinterpretation until I was in my mid-30s.

3. If someone leaves an abandoned baby on your front porch what will you do?
Call the cops and Child Welfare Services – I am not a father figure – jeesh that would be a disaster.

4. What two types of people are there?
Those who have seen Springsteen live and those who have not. Those who have, understand. The Boss abides.

5. What is a skill that almost everyone in our grandparent’s generation had, that almost none of us have today?
Give back change in that cool count back out way – and do basic maths in their heads.