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1. What was your favorite breakfast during childhood?
As a kid we always had farm fresh cream and eggs delivered. Quite often, so cereal we would have sweet cream the consistency of sour cream that we would plop atop our breakfast cereal and wash it down with orange juice. mmmmmmmm.
2. Why is a muffin considered a legitimate breakfast option but cake isn’t?
Blame Queen Victoria. When there is a weird menu selection that I can never understand I usually imagine was some odd favorite/standard from Queen Victoria.
3. What beverage do you typically drink with each of the 3 meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner)?
Breakfast: Coffee. Lunch: Iced tea. Dinner: A nice gin-based cocktail.
4. What is your favorite grownup breakfast cereal? And as a child?
Cheerios with some yogurt. As a kid, tough one but probably Sugar Smacks.
5. What’s the greatest breakfast food invention of all time?
The Breakfast Burrito. Yumm-O
1. What’s really stressing you out right now?
I am the king of the great procrastination. I moved into the new place over a month ago and most of the boxes strewn about are mine and I really need to finish unpacking.
2. What nice gesture actually bothers you?
The handshake that seems to come from nowhere. Hard to explain, but I interview a lot of people for jobs and most are so nervous they seem to foget some of the basics of etiquette and decorum and I end up shaking hands a couple of times.
3. What’s something people do that screams “I’m looking for attention?”
Big duel smokestack exhausts on a diesel pick up truck. Ugly.
4. What is your best example of ‘two kinds of people’?
Those who have Springsteen live and those who have not.
5. How are you trying to be a better version of you?
I am down about 8 pounds since starting the new job and have ditched any fast food breakfasts on the way to work.
1. The NFL season begins tonight. Do you follow football? If so, when did you start to follow the game?
I have absent mindfully followed football since a young boy. I remember going deer hunting with my dad and listening to Bronco games on AM radio in my early 8s and 9 years. I started really following it college when one of my roommates (Mr. Hunt) was a super sports fan and super Broncos fan and he explained many of the intricacies of the game.
2. Why do NFL teams get the title of ‘world champions’ when no other nationality competes?
3. If Americans started calling soccer “football” like the rest of the world, what would be a good name to replace American football.
4. In 10 words or less, explain American football to a foreigner.
Encapsulation of the American Spirit of try and try again
5. You can remove one rule from the NFL. What is it and what does it do to the game?
Video challenges of referee calls. It would speed up the game immensely.
1. What unimpressive thing are people stupidly proud of?
The size of their hands. Generally, it means nothing unless you are a professional typist.
2. What’s the best trick a passenger can do to get upgraded?
I travelled from Denver back to Germany in the Army once and I wore my dress uniform and got bumped to first class on a Lufthansa flight. That, friends, was some great flying. Hours and hours of first class bliss in the front row with all the leg room in the world. Next big flight, try that.
3. Americans who have visited Europe, what was your “WTF” moment?
Bidets and the very weird toilets in Germany – we usually referred to them as shit shelves – they are very low water and don’t have a pool of water waiting but instead intense water pressure that squirts the shit, literally, down the drain.
4. Americans, what is your WTF moment when traveling this great country?
Big, weird tourist attractions from the 1940s and 1950s that still exist – most are commemorated at DIA in the “America, Why We Love Her” installation. (I am certain I got that name wrong, but I am close.
5. Have you dropped everything and moved with nothing? How did that turn out? What advice do you have for someone wishing to do the same?
I moved to Denver from Craig with very little savings and no job. After some stumbles along the way, it was worth it.
1. What movie can you watch over and over without ever getting tired of?
I have a handle full of movie “rewatchables” Probably a three-way tie between “The Big Lebowski,” “Casablanca,” and “The Hunt for Red October.”
2. Replace a word in a movie title with “fuck”, what’s the movie about now?
“Pulp Fiction” is now “Pulp Fuck” and is a romp through the world of 1950s snuff porn.
3. Which minor character do you wish had their own spinoff?
Pheobe Buffay – kind of a less innocent Mary Tyler Moore – in fact, that would be even greater. Put Pheobe in a small midwestern town and watch as the townspeople react to her outrageous backstory.
4. What is the biggest movie plot-hole you have ever seen?
I think it was on “The Big Bang Theory” when someone explained to Sheldon Cooper that if Indiana Jones had never left his professor job at the university, the plot of the movie would have ended the same way and he had no real effect on any of the outcomes. That was a pretty great realization.
5. What movie made you most paranoid after watching it?
“Enemy of the State with Will Smith and Gene Hackman. Solid, paranoid “it could happen” thriller